"And that, to Allah, is easy"
The Last Run (5.36 Miles) -- 03/23/20
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Monday 03/23/20 -- Lockdown
Inside Nahar - Raambagh - Lake Powai - IIT near gate overpass -
Orchard Av - Back to Raambagh.
Time: 0:47:22
Estimated Pace: 8'50"/mile
Estimated Mileage: 5.36 Miles
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
- Maharashtra declared under lockdown (section 422) -
Karnataka closes all borders, including roads and ports -
Surah Nisaah v 148 (Juz 4), till the end (v 176)
Yesterday, around 5:00, as we are sitting Ruksanna reading
a children's book on the rear balcony, we hear a
growing clamor from outside. We run to the main
windows to find people
on their balconies and gardens have gathered out to
clap, hit vessels as percussions, or cheer, a
profoundly moving spectacle, which will last for
some time before ebbing down. How many of these
people will die I cry? Later, I find out that
this is in support to the doctors and nurses
combatting the epidemic,
following what is done in the Europe.
After 9:00, at the end of the curfew, we go out,
sit in Buddha Park for some time, in the sweet darkness.
The heat is slowly progressing, but on this peaceful
evening, a mild wind provides a sense of peace.
Even now, there are surprisingly
few people.
This morning I woke at 4, unable to sleep, get up
for the pre-dawn reading of the Qur'an, that
which is always witnessed, followed by Namaaz.
I hesitantly get ready for a short run, but Ruksanna,
listening to "BrAcking News", hears that the
State may have been put on lockdown.
Without online access (there is still no internet!!!),
it is difficult to understand the
situation. I am about to renounce running, but strangely,
Ruksanna pushes me out, perhaps out of concern for my sanity.
So I run cautiously out, monitoring the situation,
first stay inside the Nahar society, but soon opt to
go out, explore what Lake Powai might be like today.
Indeed, there is hardly anyone out. Unlike last week,
no runners either, except perhaps for one or two. Traffic
has vanished. The temperature has become warmer.
A few people stroll around, or some
vegetable sellers push their carts in empty streets.
Like yesterday, the landscape has been reclaimed by
the birds, in fact, as if to assert its dominion,
a crow flies right by my ear, nearly hitting my head.
I have no way of knowing that the curfew will
greatly strengthen in the next few days. I have no
way to know then that this will be my last run.
Once returned, I look for Ruksanna on the podium.
I find her in her secret garden, a small space
somewhat concealed, where she likes to sit peacefully
under the trees after her exercise.
These are precisely Frangipani
trees, I point out to her, before offering her
one of their white flowers.
-- Lake Powai, first day of lockdown --
-- March 24 to 29 --
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Tuesday 03/24/20 --
Home Gym: 0:36:10
Sequence: Barpress - Ankle weights - Shoulders - Biceps
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
- Maharashtra put on complete lockdown -
Surah Maidah till v 27
Up around 5:15, slept well actually, in spite of wake
up around 2:00 by door bell, but everything is quiet.
A long overstretched Namaaz, of excellent quality.
If inevitably thoughts divert at times towards the
many details of the current affliction, I patiently
let my mind regroup, continue with poise. Recite
last rukus of Surah An'aam, Surah Akhraaf, then
in a catch up of yesterday's missed Ishaa, Surah
Alaq and Qadr. Yesterday, I fell so violently
asleep, taken to the grass patch under the stars,
that I could barely walk back home, like a
drunken man.
Running perhaps, but Ruksanna decides to walk, a short
walk actually. Annoying someone siti bajaraha hai, yells
inaudible orders only "coronavirus" audible in the Marati
flow, an overzealous guard perhaps, or an angry resident
taking order in his own hands? In France, growing
movement against "joggers". Endless international
propaganda in favor of confinement.
I am not convinced.
I actually feel surprisingly peaceful, finding strength
through Namaaz, seeing the world as if above our
destinies.
But my marvelous serenity is jolted around 8pm:
Narendra Modi has just decreed a complete lockdown
for all of India.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 03/25/20 -- Confined
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.46
Surah Maidah till v 83 (Juz 5)
- All of India under strict confinement - Do not
cross the "Lakshman Rekha" -
Longue Namaaz, Surah al-Isra.
A bad anguished night. Uncertain if I'll
combat the devils in the morning. I do manage
to fall back asleep, up again around 5:30. In
spite of the lockdown, the Adhaan is heard.
Namaaz reconciles me with the idea that the
spirit is the sole owner of freedom, unconquerable.
Still no internet, am considering a few plots to
get around that. Yesterday, did good work on the
Philippe Gluckman website, which I am eager to publish,
dismayed in my archivist self that it lives
precariously only on my laptop. India has confined,
but has this been thought through? Are their provisions
for food, essentials? Can we even take a walk outside?
I feel outraged at what is imposed on
us, cannot imagine that this is right, foresee
cataclysmic days ahead when inevitably the confinement
will be broken, people coming out like rabid dogs,
rendered vulnerable by months of isolation.
By a noble effort of the mind, I manage to accept
our plight.
Ruksanna convinces me to go for a walk inside
Nahar, in spite of the accusing glances from the
balconies. We take shelter in her secret garden,
largely hidden from view, where she asks me to pick
a Frangipani flower from the ground, putting
an end to my reluctant mood.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 03/26/20 -- to Haiko
Home Gym: 0:46:48
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Knee kicks - Squats -
calf raises.
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.46
Finished Surah Maidah (v 120), Suah An'aam till v30.
India always surprises. Me who feared pandemonium,
I drive to Haiko. The shops here, long lines, do not
seem open. All is quiet, we do not get stopped. People
in the small slums, how could they avoid coming out?
Hiranandani. Long line here too in front of D-Mart.
Park the car as usual, a little surreal, employee
collects the 60 roupies as usual. In front of Haiko,
people sitting at a distance, take tokens, about an
hour wait, perfectly orderly. After all, we are outside,
wearing masks. Some heat. White squares have been
painted on the sidewalk, at a distance, a guard
explains that if police comes we will have to stand
in those, at a safe distance, but for now, some
are sitting on plastic chairs or small walls.
Calling people five by five,
handwash and temperature check, then inside. All this
is perfectly orderly, contrary to reports of
stampedes such that I've heard from the US and A.
Some shelves empty, but for the most part, we find
what we need. Only one bag, Ruksanna said, but once
inside she cannot help buying in small excess, we
take a carton.
Back home in Nahar, the Bhajivalla has come. Here too,
things are wonderfully set up. Lines have been painted
on the pavement, a circuit that allows people to
progress from one box to another, leaving a safe
distance. At some point, a man suggest that plastic
chairs be deployed, and the guards do just that,
keeping one chair in each box, especially for the
elderly. A sink and soap has been fit outside our
building for washing hands while approaching the
mini-market. There, a fat man sternly reminds the
rules, staying behind the white line, talk to
the seller from a distance, and no more than 1kg
for each item. He is right. I am amazed at the
perfect organisation of this.
And like this, we have spent our whole morning outside.
It is now time for Zohar ki Namaaz.
In the evening, people, tiring from the austerity of the curfew,
have cautiously become to come out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 03/27/20 --
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
- The US now has the most reported cases (80,000) -
Over 3 Million Americans apply for unemployment this week -
France officially extends its confinement till April 15 -
Spain surpasses China in numbers of cases - Donald
Trump wants to re-start the country for Easter -
Surah An'aam till v 61
Awaken as often around 2, I pray
for the first time Tahajjud ki Namaaz,
the night prayer.
But I continue to be singularly preoccupied
by the absence of internet, and losing hope that
it might get solved. My recitation of Surah Yaseen
on this Friday Jummah is surprisingly laborious,
the onslaught of thoughts even unconscious opening
unusual gaps in memory, frustrating. I only find
my tone towards the end of the Surah, of whose
last 2 rukus I repeat entirely, my voice now restored.
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Saturday 03/28/20 --
Home Gym: 0:47:52
Sequence: Abs - Shoulders - Biceps - Squats - Punches.
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
- In Italy, more than 1,000 deaths in a single day -
The USA exceed 100,000 cases - In India, about 800 cases -
India announces a three month moratorium on loan payments -
Surah An'aam till v 101, followed by Surah An'aam and Surah Akhraaf in Namaaz, good namaaz, unlike yesterday's faltering.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 03/29/20 --
Weight: 68.5 kg - 151 lbs
Finished Surah An'aam (v 165)
At night, around 2:30, 6 rakhat Tahajjud ki Namaaz,
from excerpts of Surah al-Isra and Muzzammil (both
on topic). I am endeavoring hard to not let erode
the quality of Namaaz, a surprisingly hard struggle
constantly renewed, in spite of the circumstances.
A little sore from Yesterday's workout, decide at
least at first to alternate days. I see a white
man (US) running outside within Nahar, but I
decide to continue my moratorium, not that I
think running would be bad per se, but people
might object, and it sets a bad example in the
midst of an already weakening confinement.
-- Sofia, imitating Madeleine's art --
-- March 30 to April 05 --
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Monday 03/30/20 --
Home Gym: 0:44:10
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights.
Weight: 68.6 kg - 151.2 lbs
Contradicting his earlier statements, Donald Trump
extends "social distancing" measures till March 30 -
Surah A'raaf till v 48
Still sore from last session, would like to ramp
up to once a day, as it should help me wake up.
Frustrated that I've been struggling with Namaaz
yesterday, a far better effort this morning.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 03/31/20 --
Home Gym: 0:48:50
Sequence: Abs - Biceps - Triceps - Little Shoulders - Squats.
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
- Suspicions that China may have drastically under-reported
its number of casualties - In Israel, Hassidic communities refusing
confinement are highly contaminated - In India, crisis of the migrants
and daily laborers, many fleeing on foot to their native state -
Surah a'raaf till v 88 (Juz 9) till v 127
Strong session, which I will probably get very sore from.
Good reading, good Namaaz, although impaired by memory
losses, which I try to patiently toil through. Surah
An'aam and A'raaf.
Yesterday, Ruksanna's idea, sleeping on the balcony,
but we retreat after some time.
-- Sofia, Hindi Online Lesson --
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Wednesday 04/01/20 --
Home Gym: 0:35:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Combo Punches.
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
Surah a'raaf till v 182
- In an unusually somber speech, Donald Trump announce that
the next two weeks will be "very very painful", as predictions
forecast 100,000 to 240,000 deaths for the US -
Shorter but heavier session, up to
Full charge: 2 x (10 + 5 + 4 + 4 + 2) = 25 x 2
Ruksanna hardly slept last night for some reason.
Exceptional Namaaz today, consisting of 6 rukus of Surah al-Isra.
Sofia has her first "meeting", a zoom Hindi class.
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Thursday 04/02/20 --
Home Gym: 0:50:40
Sequence: Dumbbell Chest Press - Abs - Shoulders - Biceps - Calves.
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
THe Tablighi Jamaat affair in Delhi (held illegally despite
restrictions) is getting inscreasing coverage in the India press -
Surah a'raaf till end v 206, Surah anfal till v 29
Lighter and more reps. Strong session. If this continues,
I'll be buff by the end of confinement.
Tahajjud ki Namaaz durning the night around 3:30, during which
I decide to defer loan payments after all, especially in light
of not receiving much salary this month.
Up again at 4:30, excellent reading and Namaaz at dawn. Feeling
good.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 04/03/20 -- Rest
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
Over one million Coronavirus cases world-wide,
and 50,000 deaths - 6.6 Million Americans have filed
for unemployment last week -
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 04/04/20 --
Home Gym: 0:35:00
Sequence: Barpress light - Abs - Ankle Weights - Khali Squats.
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
- Extraordinary efforts by the American Consulate to evacuate
its citizens, in collaboration with the India Government -
Surah Tauba till v 43
In the night, Tahajjud ki Namaaz, 6 rakhats.
Wake up with Adhaan, but up till 10:30 because of work,
not feeling very well. Reading, Namaaz, then this very
mediocre gym session, lighter weights and more reps, but
even that doesn't quite work. Fortunately, I go back to
sleep after that after giving Ruksanna her morning coffee.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 04/05/20 --
Home gym: 0:37:22
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Punches.
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
- In its daily message, the US consulate warns that
"Now if the time to act if you want to return to the United States" -
At 9pm, and for 9 minutes, at the invitation of Narendra Modi,
people light candles all over India -
Surah Tauba till v 94 (Juz 11) till v 119
Stronger session, much better than yesterday.
Namaaz Surah Isra, but a few memory lapses.
L'enfermement. On se sort pas.
Au soir, following Narendra Modi's wishes, people
get out on their balconies to light candles. Then
a fat man with a fat car lights a long series of
patake, endless and loud. We stay on the
balcony for sometime, as Ruksanna's candle
is last to go out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- April 06 to April 12 --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 04/06/20 --
Home Gym: 0:54:53
Sequence: Biceps - Shoulders - Triceps - Abs -
Ankle weights - Weighted combo punches.
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
- UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson admitted
to hospital -
Surah Yunus till v 93.
At night around 1:00, Tahajjud ki Namaaz 4 rakhats.
Another poignant recitation of Surah al-Isra at
dawn, "the reading that is always witnessed".
Determined to not let yesterday's torpeur reproduce.
Stay busy all day, only short naps, efficient. Progress
in writing too, in ebb and flow, sometimes successfull,
sometimes excruciatingly laborious. What governs this?
Unexpected phone call from Mohammed Farooq my hazrat
from Bangalore, who taught me to read the Qur'an. Masjid
closed, Adhaan is given, only 4 people padhte hain.
Sofia's homework, games, good times.
Finally at my insistance we go out to Haiko. Too late!
We arrive right at store closure, around 5. Want to walk
to nearby Big Basket through Main St Hirandandani, but
there we eventually realize that the street has been
cordoned off due to Corona virus cases, steel barriers
blocking its entrances, which we had not seen coming
through a shortcut. We retreat.
On top of an unfinished building, workers sitting
against the sky, perched like birds. Ruksanna points
out how they seem to own the world.
Note: add Khairani road thoughts.
-- Zoia and Sofia have decorated their room --
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Tuesday 04/07/20 --
Home Gym: 0:54:10
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Abs - Shoulder flies & salutes -
Prone back row - Squats.
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
- Boris Johnson admitted to ICU -
Surah Hud till v 96
Boris Johnson a sobering lesson for the anti-confinement
sentiment. Also a way to map the progress of the illness,
he was first diagnosed on March 26.
Namaaz slightly distracted (but they can't all be
exceptional, right?), good weight session though, getting
used to the load. Cautious with rows and squats, which
are prone go causing back pain (which I've been suffering
from a little lately). We'll see...
Perform open window in spite of mosquitoes.
Enjoy the morning air, subtly fresh. A neighbor woman looks
at me quizzically from her kitchen.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 04/08/20 -- Rest
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
- Quarantine measures are being lifted in Wuhan
- Over 10,000 deaths reported in France - 13,000 in the US -
Around 1:30am, 8 rakhat Tahajjud ki Namaaz. Trouble
falling back asleep. Up shortly before 5.
Surah Yusuf till v 52 (Juz 13) till v 58
An exceptionally long Namaaz, all of what I've
learned of Surah al-Isra.
Man's capacity for adaptation. Settled into a routine.
Should not impair. Even work seems to have gained some
sort of a rhythm.
Headaches. Trying to avoid Advil, but Crocene supplies
are low.
-- On the balcony at Maghrib --
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Thursday 04/09/20 --
Home Gym: 0:56:30
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Weighted Punches.
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
Surah Yusuf, Surah Ra'd till v 27
Up at 4:30, after multiple wake-ups. Ruksanna has hardly
slept at all. Good reading, good Namaaz, extended, consisting
of Surah Baqarah, An'aam and A'raaf.
A great gym session actually. Up to 4 sets of 8 reps of 2x25 kg.
Adapting to the workload, this actually feels manageable today.
Thoughts on Routine, Yesterday's Balcony Conversation. Being
at peace with fate in Namaaz.
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Friday 04/10/20 --
Home Gym: 0:55:28
Sequence: Abs - Standing Shoulders, Biceps, Triceps -
Standing Bar Lifts.
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
Surah Hijr, Surah Nahl till v 22, followed by Surah Yaseen
in Namaaz.
Like yesterday, good session. Thriving to find variety.
This diary acts as the immerged part of the journal,
this in english, and that in french.
All in all, things have become pleasant. Sofia's homework,
we spend time.
Last night, for Shab-e-Barat, Sofia and Zoia have recited
46 rakhats Namaaz, and she shows me the daal beans thrown in
a paper cup to prove it. They did stop at 12:30 thinking
there would be class this morning (there isn't, Good Friday).
But in their childish knowledge, they have prayed an unusual
method, joining 4 Surah's for each Rakhat. I convince her
that this makes that she has effectively recited 92 Rakhats!
She considers for a beat, then wakes up Zoia to tell of the
accomplishment!
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Saturday 04/11/20 -- Rest
Weight: 69.5 kg - 153.2 lbs
- Worldwide deaths top 1,00,000 -
The US consulate, which has already repatriated 2,300 citizens
from India,
issues another call for a last set of charters to the US -
Tahajjud ki Namaaz 8 rakhats at 1:30.
Juz 15 Surah isra till v 78.
But Fajr ki Namaaz is unexpectedly distracted by
dark thoughts that I cannot brush aside: that of the
precarity of my writings. It occurs to me that, past
my death, the website would not survive long, for
default of payment. If even that cannot sustain the
desperate hope of being read, than what can? I will
not be read, neither will I be able to ready myself
my own writings. An increasingly obsessive concern.
Besides, we haven't slept enough.
Having considered many options, I go back by Ruksanna
and manage to sleep again. After which I go back to the
Qur'an, finish reading Surah al-Isra, in a more successfull
tone. I have resolved to read a Juz a day, which should
allow me to finish the book by the start of Ramzaa, to
start it again for the 10th reading during the holy month.
Then, I manage to finally consolidate another verse of
the Surah in memory. I've been brought to a standstill
in learning, largely by lack of opportunity, my morning
hours and the absence of running not allowing the same
focus. I would like to correct that, and perhaps finish
learning the Surah by end of Ramzaan.
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Sunday 04/12/20 --
Home Gym: 0:50:00
Sequence: Dumbbells Press - Abs - Weighted Punches - Prone Row.
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
- With over 20,000 deaths, US surpasses Italy in greatest
number of casualties - India extends lockdown till end of April -
Certain countries consider re-opening activity (Iran, Italy...) -
Surah Maryam till v 51. Have resolved to read a Juz a day
to finish by Ramzan, but not sure whether I'll hold to that.
Do not want to get into a mechanical reading.
@ 1:30 tahajjud 4 rakhats, good after yesterday's imperfect
Ishaa.
Fajr ki Namaaz, re-discovering Surah ali-Imraan, then back to al-Isra,
good namaaz.
Ok session, but no particular standout. A little unmotivated
(weight lifting definitely does not replace running!), and
some back pain, which this might unfortunately inflame further.
Yesterday, prohibitively long lines in Hirandani,
then Mhada, shops closed, covert selling. The children
in Sunshine. Society food distribution. The chicken incident.
We take Shazia, by then it's too late. They don't have internet.
Thoughts on style.
Supply challenges. Since yesterday, huge lines in front of
D-Mart. Yesterday could not get into Haiko, we return in
the morning, go after over an hour wait. Inside supplies
are lower, but still good. Let's hope this does not continue
to deteriorate.
As expected, lockdown will be extended, but talk of how to
start opening up India. During Zohar ki Namaaz, I imagine
the feeling of the outside, how will the world be "after"?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"O Mankind, it is you who stand in need of Allah,
but Allah is rich, free of need, worthy of all praise"
(Surah Fatir [35] v. 15)
-- April 13 to April 19 --
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Monday 04/13/20 --
Home Gym: 0:34:18
Sequence: Pushups - Abs - "little shoulders" - Squats - Calves.
Weight: 69.8 kg - 153.9 lbs
- Boris Johnson discharged last night from hospital -
Juz 17 Surah Anbiyah in one sitting. Then Surah Hajj till
v 39 after Namaaz.
Prayed Tahajjud ki Namaaz around 3am, the usual 6 rakhat
(which seems to suit me), including those verses mentionning
it from Surah al-Isra. This happens to be a good recitation.
Yesterday evening, slept late (for me that is, around 11),
and finished through the night Les Enfants du Capitaine
Grant.
Woke up again at 4:20, and decided to get up, leading
to, in spite of the tiredness, to a most excellent dawn
session. I read all of Surah Anbiyah in one sitting before
Fajr ki Namaaz, which itself consists of 4 rukus of Surah
al-Isra, the tired mind actually finding a singular
concentration which the rested time does not always
attain. Inspired by this, as if not wanting to break the
spell, I sit to read again, moving closer to reading one
Juz per day, reading from Surah Hajj (note: I am reading
from Sofia's Qur'an, mine having a printing defect for
some of these middle Surah's). Both Surah's dark
undertones plunge me back into the reality of the situation,
which the relatively pleasant and monotonous routine
have faded.
And in spite of all this, I still find the strength
for a gym session, albeit a moderate one, shorter, less
weight but more reps. And finally, after making breakfast
for Ruksanna, while stretching, slumber gains on me, and
I find a delicious sleep. A wonderful start to the day!!
-- La lecture --
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Tuesday 04/14/20 --
Home Gym: 0:54:41
Sequence: Bar Press (full load) - Abs - Ankle Weights -
Punches - Knee kicks.
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
- Emmanuel Macron announced extension of confinement
till May 11th, but gradual re-opening after that -
In India, PM Modi extends lockdown till May 3 -
Number of cases passes 10,000, with over 300 deaths -
Juz 18 Surah Mu'minum complete
A good session, although I have to fight boredom from
these sessions, and force myself through them.
Up around 4:15. Excellent work call for once in the
morning, but after that I can't sleep.
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Wednesday 04/15/20 --
Home Gym: 0:58:04
Sequence: Biceps "over the bench" - Seated Shoulders -
Prone Triceps - Abs - Squats.
Weight: 69.9 kg - 154.1 lbs
Juz 19 Surah Shu'ara till v 69
Very bad sleep. Ruksanna also. Yesterday overloaded
with work, from 7:30am to 9:30pm. After multiple wake-ups,
up at 3:30, Tahajjud ki Namaaz at 4:00, followed by good
Qur'an reading, then long Surah al-Isra in Namaaz. That
said, I am in a bad mood. I hate to admit, but I resent
Ruksanna being awake too, even though she lets me be, but
even knowing someone is awake somewhat spoils my exclusive
morning hours (this is bad I know). After all that, I go
back to her, try to sleep - still in vain. And finally,
I get back up for this gym session, actually, surpringly
good! Cap it off with a beneficial exhaustion set, a
practice to keep. And then off to getting ready Sofia
for schooling, etc, and the day starts!
Confinement is not as peaceful as I'd like it to be!
-- Les Rotis --
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Thursday 04/16/20 --
Weight: 69.8 kg - 153.9 lbs
Juz 20 surah Qasas till v 51
Woke up at 3:00 (as is the norm these days), prayed
Surah Tahajjud 4 rakhats, then couldn't go back to sleep
(as is also the norm these days), got up at 4:00 for a
lengthy reading, and all I know of Surah al-Isra in Namaaz.
Interestingly, this state of fatigue leads to an excellent
rendition.
Yesterday, other than the usual trip to get water
and to Sunshine, we finished another day on the balcony
at Maghrib, actually perfectly happy, listening to Adhaans
(and getting bitten by mosquitoes). Longing for the great
outside, but also realizing that I will surely miss this
extraordinary period, longing for its quiet streets and
days of superior devotion.
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Friday 04/17/20 --
Home Gym: 0:43:19
Sequence: Prone Row - Dumbbell Press - Abs - Weighted Combo Punches.
Weight: 69.7 kg - 153.6 lbs
"... He is it who sent As-Sakinah (calme & tranquility)
into the hearts of the believers ..."
(Surah Fath [48] v. 4)
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Saturday 04/18/20 --
Home Gym: 0:55:41
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Little Shoulders.
Weight: 69.7 kg - 153.6 lbs
Juz 22 Surah Saba till v 37
Woke up at 3, but again unable to sleep back, having
lost my ability. Enraged, get up before 4, Ruksanna is
awake too, but I still isolate myself for Tahajjud ki Namaaz,
my daily reading of a Juz of the Qur'an, and Fajr ki Namaaz.
After all this, a good two hours later, I go back by her, and
finally, finally, with a valiant effort of the mind, finally
find a brief sleep and a small dream. It is now 7, it has
taken my 4 hours to achieve this. But I do feel better.
So back on plan I do this gym session, feeling lazy
and bored at first, but actually achieving good results.
I am able to lift 2x9 reps and 1x10 reps at the full load
of 2x25 kg. This would have been unthinkable just a week
ago.
"... and in the hours before dawn they were found
asking for forgiveness ..."
(Surah Dhariyat [51] v. 18)
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Sunday 04/19/20 --
Home Gym: 0:55:43
Sequence: Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Standing lift - Squats.
Weight: 70.3 kg - 155 lbs
Juz 23 Surah Saffat till v 75
Up at 2:30. Panic that I might yet again not be able to
fall back asleep. Eventually pray Tahajjud ki Namaaz, 6 rakhats,
consisting of Surah al-Isra, then an obstinate effort to
reach the far recesses of the mind. This time, it works!!
I wake up around 4:40 to the dream of not being able to enter
a large official building (a school?) at night, finally, I
am the one to ring the doorbell, even though that feels like
an odd thing to do. I am so incredibly happy for this small
victory over insomnia!
I complete Surah Yaseen in reading from Juz 23, then
recite it again in Namaaz, but mid-way through, unhappy
with my concentration, I switch over yet again to these
new Rukus of Surah al-Isra. After all that, this gym session,
which as usual increases gradually in intensity, and today
leads to an excellent well felt session actually, experimenting
with a new more focused sequence which today works great.
As it turns out, in spite of confinement,
I spent over 5 hours in exercise this week, which actually
measures up to a good running week. My weight has passed
the 70kg mark, which was expected and is fine, but I do not
want that to ascend much further. Ramzaan is anyway
approaching, which will re-upset things.
Later in the morning, we go again first to Mhada then
Haiko. What an incredible contrast from last week, the lines
in front of the shops are almost empty, not sure why. What
formidable heat, I come back drenched.
And later still, after my customary Asr ki Namaaz with
the girls, I decide I've really had it with this hair! Ruksanna
has been encouraging me to cut it, so I decide to do it myself,
screwing it up enough that she will have to intervene (note, I
don't have to force my talent much to "screw it up"). She does
take over, gradually getting into it. Then she bathes me entirely,
like she used to her father. I feel wonderful.
And finally, ending the day on the balcony for Maghrib, as
we often do, she sits in Zikhr, her lips barely moving
in Tasih.
It was a pleasant day.
-- Le Haircut --
-- April 20 to April 24 --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 04/20/20 -- Rest
Weight: 70.3 kg - 155 lbs
Juz 24 Surah Ghafir till v 38
The insomnia curse has been defeated - for now.
I am now able to fall back asleep through the night,
and get up around 4:10 to continue reading the Qur'an,
followed by a long Surah al-Isra Namaaz. Then having setup
Ruksanna for her virtual training, I fall heavenly asleep.
Good start to the day.
Ramzaan is only 5 days away. This caught me by surprise
for some reason. To think that not so long back my great
desire was to survive till then.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 04/21/20 --
Home Gym: 0:46:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Weighted Punches.
Weight: 70.3 kg - 155 lbs
- Oil prices plummet below 0$ - Donald Trump announces he
will temporarily suspend immigration - In France, the death toll
passes 20,000 -
Juz 25 Surah Zukhruf
Up at 3:30, Ruksanna has gotten up and goes sit on the balcony.
I give her an night breakfast then go isolate myself in the Namaaz
ka Kamra, pray Surah Tahajjud (6 rakhats Surah al-Isra), then a
lengthy reading and finally Fajr ki Namaaz, again those same
verses of Surah al-Isra, the same ones I was learning in France.
After all this, I miraculously manage to fall back asleep
at her side to a computer dream, wake up again, and get into
this gym session, a little more moderate, slightly lower weights
but more reps. I have to say I have completely lost interest in
these, push myself as through a chore, and looking forward to
Ramzaan to put this episode to an end. I've gained about 2kg
thus far, which does not suit me well, looking forward to ramping
back up running at some point.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 04/22/20 --
Home Gym: 0:41:07
Sequence: Abs - Deadlifts (Straight Lifts - Squats - Shoulders) -
Weighted Punches
Weight: 69.9 kg - 154.1 lbs
Up at 4:00 after a good night's sleep (finally),
Juz 26 Surah Muhammad, followed by Fajr ki Namaaz
all I know of Surah al-Isra.
Although I have been stuck on certain three verses
for some time, unable to complete the Juz, with ebb and flow
of progress and loss of memory. This had happened the same
way while learning Surah Mulk during Ramzaan some years ago,
stuck on specific verses, which I partially attribute to the
lack of running!
"... and he will provide him from (sources) he could never
imagine,
and whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him,
verily Allah will accomplish his purpose ..."
(Surah Talaq [65] v. 3)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 04/23/20 --
Home Gym: 1:03:02
Sequence: Abs - Dumbbell Press - Prone Row - Small Shoulders.
Weight: 69.9 kg - 154.1 lbs
Juz 27 Surah Najm
Woke up at 3:00 with a violent headache (how can these
occur while sleeping??), Ruksanna was awake too, not sure
if I slept again or not, the headache making my usual mind
games difficult. Got up at 4:40, feeling very angry,
uncomfortable. I take my anger to the isolation of the Namaaz
ka kamra, after having given Coffee to Ruksanna who is still
awake too.
Reading and Namaaz eventually apease me a little, particularly
the last rukus of Surah A'raaf, in some way bringing me back to
our couple. I go back to her, try to sleep, still in vain.
Eventually, I push myself through this gym session.
Which after a gradual ramp-up, ends up being among the
best! Not particularly heavy, but working myself up to high
reps (20s on the Dumbbells, 30s on the rows), and my longest
session so far.
Still, I will desperately need to sleep during the day.
"... but you cannot will, unless Allah wills ..."
(Surah Insaan [76] v. 30)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 04/24/20 -- Is it Ramadhan?
Finished 9th reading of the Qur'an
Weight: 70.4 kg - 155.2 lbs
Juz 29 Surah Muzzammil, then Surah Yaseen Namaaz, then read
again to finish the entire Juz.
A particularly somber day.
Yesterday, I finally realized that Ramzaan is coming earlier
than my phone had indicated. It is possibly starting Friday, which
upsets my Qur'an reading plans. Due to an access failure, I close
all work and resume reading finding in the urgency a great emphasis.
Ruksanna suggests to go out which I first refuse, and almost
immediately accept - right after we've prayed Maghrib for once
together.
We go towards the usual Mhada, but unable to spot the moon
crescent, or much at all. Ruksanna proposes to push to the lake.
We pass the familiar small Rambaugh slum, where I would run
almost daily, what an explosion of life here, unable to abide
by confinement, the life is displayed outside as usual, in front
of the makeshift houses, men, children, women, elderly, a festival
of activity which contrasts with the dead rich neighborhood.
We pass police station, head to the lake promenade. Here however,
it is completely deserted, not a soul, except perhaps a police
car that passes by (leaving us unheeded). We stop at a platorm
overlooking the dark water. Not even a bird, comments Ruksanna.
And no trace of the moon. "We'll have to come back tomorrow",
I say enthusiastically, happy with our walk. But RUksanna refuses,
more reasonable than I, we should not return to such a deserted
place.
Uplifted by this outing, surprisingly energized, I pray
a good Surah Ishaa for once, and manage to nearly finish Juz
28, leaving only two for the next day.
But then, upsetting news from work, and I know I will not sleep.
Indeed, I woke up at 3:00. In spite of exhaustion, I get up,
pray Tahajjud ki Namaaz, then
a long reading, reading up to Surah Muzzammil in Juz 29, unfortunately
not quite at the level that I was able to read yesterday. I then
pray Surah Yaseen in Namaaz, feeling better, decide to resume reading,
reaching the end of the Juz on a better note. It is 6:00 when I return
to Ruksanna who is waking up, I try to finally fall asleep - in vain.
A challenging day ahead. Tired, I fail to bring Zohar ki Namaaz
up to the level of the day.
After lunch, I finally manage to sleep, and things lighten
up a bit. Around 6:00pm, I finish reading the Qur'an, my 9th, in an
inspired reading, reaching
my goal of completing it before Ramzaan, right to start it over again.
With a clearer mind, a more positive outlook.
I feel ready for the start of
Ramadhan tomorrow.
-- Ruku de Surah al-Isra --
- Ramadhan, Rosa 1 to 7 -
"... or think that you may enter Paradise without such trials
as came to those who passed before you?
They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments,
and were so shaken that even the Messenger
and those who believed with him said
"When will come the help of Allah?"
Yes certainly, the help of Allah is near ..."
(Surah Baqara [2] v. 214)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 04/25/20 -- ROZA 1
Weight: 70.4 kg - 155.2 lbs
- Death toll passes 50,000 in the US -
10th reading Juz 1 Surah Baqarah till v 60
Up at 3:30, after late night sleep due to some meeting,
this is actually too much time till the start of the fast at
5am, Ruksanna goes back to bed and I start reading again.
Then Namaaz, a little challenging due to memory losses, and
back to bed for some time. I do manage to finish learning
another Ruku of Surah Isra (although imperfectly), write it and
consign it on the website.
A difficult start. I have immediately felt thirsty
(extroardinary heat doesn't help), and unusually dizzy
from the lack of food. Exhausted perhaps by the last days,
spent a large portion of the day from one sleeping episode
to the other, and Namaaz was of inferior quality, again
through the fog of tiredness, struggling with memory.
Sofia and Zoia have also kept Roza since 10, but Ruksanna
has had to drop it from her monthly.
We assemble at Maghrib for Iftaar, repeat the Du'ah
after Ruksanna, drink and eat fruits. After that, her and
I go out to Mhada, I still staggering somewhat, but my
strength and spirit returning. There, in the perspective
of the street, the think moon quarter, which had alluded
us before, is clearly featured, impressive in the night
sky. We find the chicken valla almost hidden behind rows
of auto-rickshaws. I lovingly watch a group of dogs who
have lined up there, like we line up in front of stores,
hoping for some left-overs. One is particularly attentive,
following his every move, cocking his head here and there,
lifting his paw - in vain for now. I love these street dogs,
my companions when running the city.
"... it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you
and that you like a think which is bad for you.
Allah knows, but you know not ..."
(Surah Baqara [2] v. 216)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 04/26/20 -- ROZA 2
Weight: 70.4 kg - 155.2 lbs
10th reading Juz 2 Surah Baqarah till v 183
A much better wake-up then yesterday. After several
episodes of sleep, a clear mind!
"... do they seek other than the religion of Allah
while to Him submitted all creatures in the heavens
and in the earth,
willingly or unwillingly, and to him they shall all be
returned ..."
(Surah Ali-Imraan [3] v. 83)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 04/27/20 -- Roza 3
Home Gym: 0:35:00
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Abs - Ankle Weights - Little Shoulders.
Weight: 70 kg - 154.3 lbs
-- Global death toll passes 2,00,000 --
10th reading Surah Ali-imraan till v 10, then till v 31
after Namaaz.
A difficult awakening, caught by the alarm in the middle of
a dream. Unlike yesterday, feeling foggy, and force myself to
eat (Ruksanna, in spite of not keeping Roza herself, keeps
me company). I then proceed to the Namaaz ka Kamra, with
some time left, to start reading, but the reading is laborious,
frustrating myself with my inability to conjure a clear mind,
and passing by great verses of Surah Baqarah without feeling
their benefit. I persevere nonetheless, and actually
seem to turn the tide around, by the time I reach the
prestigious end of the Surah, back into the spirit of the
holy month, and add the great first ruku of Surah ali-Imraan.
Under these circumstances, I decide for a shorter Namaaz,
not wanting to struggle with memory or concentration, so
recite excerpts from Surah Baqarah, including what I have just
read. But my spirit continues to raise through the exercise, and
desiring to prolong the exercise, I start combining different
rukus within a Rakhat, so as to recite Surah Ali-Imraan as well.
After all that, I finally go lay down by Ruksanna, not sure
whether I managed to sleep or not. Probably yes.
But I am still feeling groggy, which makes me angry.
I feel that this inactivity is noxious. It's not just
the body that feels like a used sponge, it's the mind too,
preventing proper focus. It's been a month
now of confinement, and I can only imagine my state after
another month of Ramadhan, weakened and fragile, as if
ready for slaughter. I continue to believe that excessive
confinement is not the way to fight the epidemic.
So my body feeling awkward and disabled, I decide for
a quick stretching at least, but then, in a sudden inspiration,
go for a surprise gym session!
This is done with lower weights, in the AC, so as
to not overheat or sweat too much.
And it feels amazingly successful. After all, I used to
run on Ramzaan, and last year I walked to work every day in
the heat, so why couldn't I do this? New plans emerge, and
the day will be better...
"... O you who believe, ask not about things which if made
plain to you may cause you trouble ..."
(Surah Maidah [7] v. 101)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 04/28/20 -- Roza 4
Home Gym: 0:27:00
Sequence: Bar Press - Abs - Punches.
Weight: 69.5 kg - 153.2 lbs
10th reading Juz 4 Surah Ali-imraan till v 156
Exceptional sleep, go back to sleep after
Namaaz, till 8! This never happens. Then this
gym session.
But the Namaaz of the day disappoint. Increasingly
tired, I not able to muster the energy to get through it,
and stumble, perhaps by trying to recite too long.
Things improve markedly after Iftaar, for Ishaa ki Namaaz.
-- Asr ki Namaaz with Zoia and Sofia --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 04/29/20 -- Roza 5
Weight: 69.7 kg - 153.6 lbs
10th reading Juz 5 Surah Nisaah till v 71
Woke up around 3:30, before alarm. I get up, determined
to do better than yesterday, to that effect, pray 4 rakhats
Tahajjud ki Namaaz before waking up Ruksanna. Indeed, both
reading and Namaaz are much better.
But after that, I am unfortunately unable to fall back
asleep, in spite of my best attempts. I abandon gym, lie down
again on the floor for some time, uncertain if I did find
some form or sleep or not (probably yes). I fear one of those
bad headaches.
The rest of the day will be a game of trying to control
the headache, monitoring its progress and being with it.
This actually gives me a surprising concentration, in a low
voice, the mind focused on a steady undistracted effort, with
no excess. Keeping to my vow of turning the tide today, I
produce an excellent Dhuhr ki Namaaz.
Surprise, Shabaz has come back, perhaps irritated by
the girls at sunshine, or as Ruksanna jokes, realizing that
if they fast, he may have to cook himself! I hope
his return will not signal the end of the relative quiet
we've enjoyed so far.
In our daily ritual, I pray Asr between Zoia and Sofia,
who gaining confidence are taking turns at being the Imaam.
I challenge them to learn more Surah's.
I have held the headache in check (always there though
relentless), but finally after Iftaar, I completely
abandon myself to it, as if I had blocked the pain till now.
After finally ingesting an Advil, I fall into a sleep so
deep that when Ruksanna calls me for dinner, I am completely
disoriented.
The best day so far -
"... Our Lord, pour on us patience, and cause us to die as Muslims ..."
(Surah A'raaf [9] v. 126)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 04/30/20 -- Roza 6
Home Gym: 0:48:30
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Prone Row - Sitting Biceps -
Empty Squat - Abs.
Weight: 70 kg - 154.3 lbs
10th reading Juz 6 Surah Maidah till v 27
Woke up at 2:00, panicked to not fall asleep.
But with great perseverance, managed to find the dreamy
visions, and wake up again at 4:45 for Seheri. Good Namaaz.
-- "Facemask Burkha", a joke from Sofia --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 05/01/20 -- Roza 7
Home Gym: 0:32:15
Sequence: Pushups - Abs - Ankle Weights -
Seated Shoulders - Standing Biceps - Weighted Combos.
Weight: 70 kg - 154.3 lbs
10th reading Juz 7 Surah Maidah
I struggle in the morning.
Tired, unable to concentrate, this leads to a nearly
comical access of rage. I start punching myself in unleashed
anger, enough to fall off the Janimaaz! I have to pause
and compose myself, for fear I might bang my head on the wall!
But this eventually leads to an excellent recitation of
Surah Yaseen on this Jummah, albeit rather agitated.
And from here, the day unfurls wonderful.
I start to enjoy
the benefits of the clear mind, which inspire the remaining
Namaaz of the day, and reading of marvelous Surah An'aam. At Asr,
the usual ritual, this time with Zoia officiating, who has gained
a lot of confidence. Finally, I eat much more cautiously for Iftaar,
which leaves me energized. We go out after Maghrib, there have
been rumours of Mhada closing down due to cases of Coronavirus,
but contradicting that, the street seems livelier than usual.
A most excellent day.
"... It is not for any person to believe,
except by the leave of Allah ..."
(Surah Yunus [10] v. 100)
- Ramadhan, Rosa 8 to 14 -
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 05/02/20 -- Roza 8
Home Gym: 0:47:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Small Shoulders
Weight: 69.7 kg - 153.6 lbs
10th reading Juz 8 Surah An'aam
Wake up very well, but for some reason, perhaps after eating
chicken, or not drinking enough coffee, a severe lapse of energy.
My reading is unfortunately affected, and I shorten Namaaz to the
sections of Surah Baqarah. I go back to bed feeling very uneasy,
but manage to sleep till 8:30 (rare!). Still groggy and not sure
whether I'll be able to shake it without coffee, I decide for
this gym session, quite unsure.
This turns out excellent. The activity does finally wake me
up, like a fluid traversing the body, and I seem to reclaim
yesterday's clear mind. The day is saved...
"... So when you want to recite the Qur'an,
seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan, the outcast ..."
(Surah Nahl [14] v. 98)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 05/03/20 -- Roza 9
Weight: 69.7 kg - 153.6 lbs
Tahajjud ki Namaaz 6 rakhats
10th reading Juz 9 Surah a'raaf till v 158
A particularly vicious mosquito attack, first feet than
hands, wakes me up at 3:00. Enraged, I get up before the alarm,
pray Tahajjud before waking up Ruksanna, find it very difficult
to eat. Things are off to a bad start, but soon become much
better. Isolated, things lift off, and soon I find back the
same clear mind, which carries me through reading and
Fajr, and in spite of abandonning the last two verses to
memory loss, I feel good about. I sleep briefly to a quick
dream, and feel energized, impatient almost. "Kuch zarouri
kaam hai?" asks Ruksanna a bit surprised.
A deliberate break from gym. Somewhat frustrated that
my weight is stuck at this number, although not very important
at the moment.
This ends up being a great day. Once again, the clear
mind seems to have settled, a miraculous feeling state that
is hard to describe, as if brain and body had been cleansed,
functionning as if renewed. This not only fuels me through
the various Namaaz of the day, but also causes a bout of
feverish writing, which leaves me almost breathless throughout
the day.
Clear mind, for me that is, Ruksanna, who is
not fasting, is taken down by her inactivity, towards
mid-afternoon, she can't stand it any more. We sit on
the balcony for some time, contemplating the nest that
our crows have built in the building across, but that
is not enough.
After Iftaar (where I eat cautiously and well), we go out
for a walk. But the access inside the society has been further
restricted, we cannot reach the platform where she was spinning
last time. The dogs stare at us, as if they too have had enough.
"... And unto Allah falls in prostration
whoever is in the heavens and the earth,
willingly or unwillingly,
and so do their shadows in the mornings and in the afternoons ..."
(Surah Ra'd [15] v. 15)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 05/04/20 -- Roza 10
Home Gym: 0:55:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Weighted Punches
Weight: 70.2 kg - 154.8 lbs (What?!!????)
-- Donald Trump estimates that 100,000 people could
die in the US, upgrading his earlier estimate
of 60,000 - US continues to re-open gradually, a process
marred by violent protests - India's lockdown extended
by two weeks, but the country is divided into three zones
of varying restrictions - In India, trains are organized
to repatriate stranded migrant workers to their home towns -
Liquor and tobacco shops re-open --
10th reading Juz 10 Surah Tauba till v 38
I wake up and struggle as usual through the Seheri meal,
building anger and desire for isolation, which will quiet me
down. After Surah al-Isra Namaaz, I must have slept briefly
(not sure) and get up again around 6:30, feeling fantastic!
Another case of the clear mind, even since morning...
So I go into this gym session, which feels surprisingly good.
In fact, it's phenomenal. I manage sets of 12 reps on the bar
(2 x 23kg) with good energy, and through a relatively long session.
On top of that, my weight has not decreased at all (unlike other
years), and I feel surprisingly tight and muscular.
I have discovered something? Is the combination of fasting and
workout a thing?
My theory is this: The body always reacts to demand. Normally,
in fast conditions, it responds by storing fat for
tough days ahead. But by training
it to think that muscle is required, is it building muscle
instead? Tough workout, but interesting idea.
On top of that, the mind, like in the last few days, stays
admirably crisp. I have started learning the last ruku of Surah
al-Isra, breaking the deadlock that had slowed me the first week
of Roza.
May this continue through the next three weeks...
"... Those who believe and whose hearts find rest
in the rememberance of Allah,
verily, in the rememberance of Allah
do hearts find rest ..."
(Surah Ra'd [15] v. 28)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 05/05/20 -- Roza 11
Weight: 70.2 kg - 154.8 lbs
10th reading Juz 11 Surah Tauba
An abrupt downfall today!
Yesterday, I might have mishandled Iftaar again. We walk to
Mhada, but I feel heavy and very sweaty. Ruksanna has been noticing
people walking on the streets all day with a paper in their hand. She
asks one of them. These are migrants on their way to the train station
to be repatriated to UP, as seen in the news. In Mhada, there is also
a long line of such people, in front of a nondescript shop whose iron
grid is closed. A policeman with a stick orders them to stand one
meter apart.
In the morning, I still feel heavy. And my weight continues
to hold, unbelievable! I force myself to eat Seheri but it's
increasingly challenging. My mood goes severely down, and for
once, it does not lift. I abridge both reading and Namaaz, try
to sleep again - in vain.
A tough day ahead...
Worried that work pressure will prevent me for reading the
daily Juz, seeing an unexpected break in the morning, I actually
complete it before noon, believing perhaps I could rebound, but
no, Dhurh ki Namaaz is very lacking, I keep it relatively short
as I struggle through it. And as the day goes, the meltdown
only deepens, leaving me in a near vegetative state and precarious
morale. Rest is a treasury to me, when feeling tired, my outlook
decays to alarming levels, and the only strategy is to try to make
it till the next day. Unfortunately, there is a lot at work, and
this sorry state, it all feels unconquerable.
What has caused such an abrupt downfall? It is poor nutrition?
Is it overdoing gym yesterday, not giving enough respect to the fast?
Or is it the continuous pressure of the situation, combined with
the deliquescence of confinement, that is eating me?
Iftaar finally comes to deliver me from this misery.
I eat very cautiously this time, then I fall inadvertently
into the deepest sleep, wake up after two hours. What a difference
it makes! The Ishaa prayer, the night prayer, finally sees my
strength return. It will have to carry by itself the weight
of the day.
"... And they fall down on their faces weeping,
and it increases their humility ..."
(Surah Isra [17] v. 109)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 05/06/20 -- Roza 12
Home Gym: 0:45:30
Sequence: Abs - Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Knee Kicks -
Squats - Calves.
Weight: 69.6 kg - 153.4 lbs
10th reading Juz 12 Surah Hud till v 96
I am determined to rebound from yesterday's meltown.
Unfortunately, last night, after having slept so profoundly
after Maghrib, I struggle to fall asleep again, till after midnight,
and tensed by the prospect of another day of misery, struggle
through several wake-ups. I adamantly cling on to getting some relief
from the dreamy recesses, and finally get up before the alarm,
and pray Tahajjud before Seheri.
Resolute change of strategy: I am eating less at each meal,
trying to avoid the stuffing feeling like the plague. This seems
to work better, I feel a little hungry in the morning, my weight
is better, and after Seheri do not feel as bloated, leaving the
mind clearer. Reading and Namaaz feel more successful, and returning
to bed, I am able to find sleep - what a contrast from yesterday!
The world feels different...
I even manage to squeeze in this gym session before an 8am meeting,
feeling good, but I have to police myself to not overdo it. Let's
see how this all holds up.
"... And keep yourself patiently with those who call on their Lord
morning and afternoon, seeking His Face,
and let not your eyes overlook them,
desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world ..."
(Surah Kahf [18] v. 28)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 05/07/20 -- Roza 13
Home Gym: 0:29:10
Sequence: Abs - Ankle Weights - Standing Shoulders & Biceps -
Weighted Combo Punches
Weight: 69.6 kg - 153.4 lbs
10th reading Juz 13 Surah Yusuf
Hearing growing concerns that the epidemic will explode
in Mumbai over the next weeks, like New York or worse, with
critical shortage of infrastructure and doctors.
"... Man is created of haste. I will show you my Aayat,
so ask me not to hasten ..."
(Surah Anbiya [21] v. 37)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 05/08/20 -- Roza 14
Weight: 69.6 kg - 153.4 lbs
10th reading Juz 14 Surah Nahl till v 41
Frustrated again that things I slowly falling into a sort
of routine, which weakens the devotion, and slowly drifts away
from earlier heights. I can imagine the rest of the month
gradually going to waste like this, unheeded. The combined
effect of fasting and confinement seems to weaken the mind,
attenuating resolve, as if falling into somnolence. I have
prayed Surah Yaseen in the morning, but not to my expectation,
and the fast thickens the mind, opening unexpected memory
gaps, numbing the prayer.
But no! I react. I stage a rebound for Dhurh ki Namaaz,
forcing great energy and focus out of my recitation of Surah
Mulk. This not only has worked, it has also cleared the numbness.
"...And those who have been given knowledge
may know that it is the truth from your Lord,
so that they may believe therein, and their hearts
may submit to it with humility ..."
(Surah Hajj [22] v. 54)
- Ramadhan, Rosa 15 to 21 -
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 05/09/20 -- Roza 15
Home Gym: 0:39:16
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights.
Weight: 69.1 kg - 152.3 lbs
- The US economy lost 20.5 million jobs in April,
unemployment rate soared to 14.7% - In India, cases are
nearing 60,000 with over 3,000 new cases daily - Death
toll close to 2,000 - Cases in Mumbai around 12,000 -
"... And those that spend the night in worship of their Lord,
prostrate and standing ..."
(Surah Furqan [25] v. 64)
10th reading Juz 15 Surah isra till v 78
Finally a positive change in weight. Reached Surah al-Isra,
which happens to be halfway through the book (I hadn't noticed
this before). Feeling that the fast is slipping into a routine,
not bad, but not exceptional, I try to rekindle it. We haven't
gone out in several days, mostly because of work. The threat
outside in Maharashtra continues to increase, perhaps a looming
disaster.
Learning as I go, I decide for this somewhat easier gym
session, more focused, and careful not to push exertion much,
knowing how the effort has impaired the later part of the day.
Of course under the AC.
"... And whosoever strives, he strives only for himself.
Allah stands not in need of the 'Alamin ..."
(Surah Ankabut [29] v. 6)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 05/10/20 -- Roza 16
Home Gym: 0:33:00
Sequence: Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Punches - Squats - Abs.
Weight: 69.1 kg - 152.3 lbs
10th reading Juz 16 Surah Maryam
Funny dream: My father hands me over some tools, sits and
points at his mouth, please extract this tooth for me. "Nononono,
I exclaim dropping the tools, you'll have to go the dentist!"
A so-so wake-up. Not enough sleep. I nevertheless muster
a good Namaaz, Surah Mulk.
After sleeping again, Ruksanna wants to go walk. Still
feeling groggy, I insist on doing a quick gym session first.
Outside, our building lobby has been reorganized to further
restrict visitors from entering. And as we exit, we're hailed
by a guard sitting at a desk. "Bahar jane ka?", he asks, then
lets us go. The vehicular access to our building has also
been blocked with some ropes.
The society is quite deserted, and it actually feels
a weird to be outside like this, nearly alone, and
frankly feeling a bit silly in our matching orange running
t-shirts. On top of that, the dhoup even at 9am is
very hot, which might be another reason why there is noone
in sight. Still, Ruksanna thinks something must have
happened, she hasn't seen a single car. Perhaps our
exits have been further restricted (I heard that some other
building is only allowing 2 trips outside a week). We soon
shorten our walk, return to the guard to question him. But
no, no such thing, we can go out but will have to fill his
register and indicate a valid reason.
We take the car to Haiko. But the direct access to the
garage has been closed too, so we have to exit by the main
entrance, thereby passing the guard. Outside, another line
of migrant workers walking the street, carrying their belongings
in small back-packs (there is a massive exodus happening,
through specially organized trains, risking to further
spread the virus). This week again, after weeks of calm,
the lines have lengthened in front of D-Mart, and unable
to keep social distancing. At Haiko the wait is long, but
relatively comfortable, in spite of the breathless heat.
Things are taking a bad turn in India. Cases are increasing
at an alarming rate (over 3,000 per day), and Mumbai is
unfortunately its epicenter.
"... We believe in that which has been revealed to us
and has been revealed to you,
our Ilah and your Ilah is one,
and to him we have submitted ..."
(Surah Ankabut [29] v. 46)
-- Variations on a Theme, by Sofia --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 05/11/20 -- Roza 17
Home Gym: 0:34:25
Sequence: Abs - Dumbbell Press - Ankle Weights -
Sitting Shoulders - Prone Triceps.
Weight: 69.1 kg - 152.3 lbs
- France initiates deconfinement today
- India sees over 4,000 new cases in 24 hrs, with
a total tally of 67,000, and 2,200 deaths - Mumbai worst
affected city with 13,739 cases and 508 deaths -
10th reading Juz 17 Surah Anbiyah
Mutton for Iftaari and this morning Seheri, but at
least it's not goat feet! I sleep after Fajr, and wake
up fairly energized, to this gym session. Time seems to
fly by, soon the 20th Roza, and the month is slipping by.
Will I accomplish its full benefit?
Later in the day, Ruksanna is amazed by our neighbor:
They have kept outside their door a piece of furniture
blocking the entrance, two chapals in front of it, and
a big kitchen knife! They must be very fearful, Ruksanna
finds it so funny she chupke takes a picture and sends
it to her brother Salaam.
In the evening after Maghrib, walk to Mhada. Ruksanna
starts to distribute money for Ramzaan to our habitual street
vendors. Once back, I catch her in the washroom putting her
fingers straight into her mouth, without having washed them
thoroughly! Zakaam, she complains, and objects that she
has washed her hands outside the building. This is the kind
of slip that could have dire consequences...
"... And among His signs is that he created for you wives
from among yourselves that you may find repose in them,
and He has put between you affection and mercy ..."
(Surah Rum [30] v. 21)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 05/12/20 -- Roza 18
Home Gym: 0:30:33
Sequence: Barpress - Abs.
Weight: 69.1 kg - 152.3 lbs
Bad wake-up. Bad Namaaz. This looks like another very
challenging day.
I police myself to not succumb entirely to foul mood. I have
even started snapping at Ruksanna, I put an end to that.
Yesterday evening, silly incident, we go to Mhada for
fruits, when we come back, she has barely washed her
hands that I see her putting her fingers right inside her mouth!!
Zakaam, she complains, while in disbelief I scold
her for it. Unbelievable, we live under the constant
threat of the virus, and
she slips like this??? This silly incident bothers me till
morning, but I block myself from reminding her of it,
not wanting to spoil her wake-up,
especially since this morning she has decided to
keep Roza as well.
I do manage to sleep back after Namaaz,
but this hasn't helped much at all,
the mind is simply not there. I am stressed out by a meeting
which actually doesn't really happen, and will re-schedule
for tomorrow. Still very hazy, and in spite of feeling weak,
I decide to try this gym session in a frustrated attempt to
wake up! Fueling the effort with sexual energy, making
my heart race, I inadvertently
bring myself to a state of half-orgasm.
This may invalidate today's fast,
but at least it has woken me up somewhat.
But I fight back. In spite of reading Surah Nur in a very
uninspired way, my disposition changes completely during Namaaz.
Feeling feeble, in some way feeding off the weakness, I gather
the strength for Namaaz, again those Surah al-Isra rukus that I have
been learning since the trip to France, and move me profoundly.
As in the past, today's failing has allowed me to rekindle my
effort, reaching a superior conscience.
I have felt weak, and feel liberated by Iftaari. It seems
at first that the digestion will take me out, but gradually the
energy comes back like a fluid, and my recitation of Ishaa ki
Namaaz is excellent. The energy carries on at bedtime, and Ruksanna
assures that we'll sleep all the better after that.
-- Confined Art, by Sofia --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 05/13/20 -- Roza 19
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
10th reading Juz 19 Surah Shu'ara till v 69
Ruksanna was right, I wake up very well, in spite of not
having slept more, perfectly clear mind, and even a little
hungry. I have finally reached back into the 68 kg range, which
further improves my mood, although I have no idea at this point
when I might be able to run again. While several countries are
cautiously opening up, news from Maharastra continue to be
alarming, the epidemic clearly in its growth phase.
This ends up being an excellent day. I am perfectly rested
for once. Around noon, I join Ruksanna on the balcony, rest my
head on her lap while contemplating the ballet of the birds, and
sleep a little, enjoying the simple pleasure.
"... Sufficient for me is Allah, in Him those who trust
must put their trust ..."
(Surah Zumar [39] v. 38)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 05/14/20 -- Roza 20
Home Gym: 0:38:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Weighted Combo Punches
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 20 Surah Qasas till v 51
Another verse to Surah al-Isra, slow progress, as there
is not much time for memorizing.
Feel extremely good today, very well rested. We are busy
making plans for Zakat. After several reversals, today, Ruksanna
makes a huge list of people she'd like to give to, most contreversial
are those among her family members who she considers doushmaan,
but taklif ka samay par, we should help. At the evocation of
giving to the Masjid in Tiruppattur where we buried her father,
she starts crying, those people also fed me, mein bhi, bhikhari
ki tarah, kha rahi thi.
This will all take some time, but most important among those,
we've given through Rajana to the village of Elaruvi INR 1,00,101.
During Iftaar, he calls to thank her, but also asks questions that
he has never asked about her life, perhaps fearing black money.
He says he will send photos of the distribution by the mandir,
Ruksanna laughs that we will be adorned with garlands next time
we go. Insh'allah, there is no more precious place to me in India
than the village, and I long to finish there, in contemplation.
"... And if an evil whisper from Shaytan tries to turn you away
then seek refuge in Allah ..."
(Surah 'Ha-Mim Sajadah [41] v. 36)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 05/15/20 -- Roza 21
Home Gym: 0:36:16
Sequence: Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Squats - Abs.
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
-- Global death toll passes 3,00,000 --
10th reading Juz 21 Surah Rum
A tentative wake-up at first, feeling weary and losing motivation
in the fast. But I react strongly! Pray Tahajjud ki Namaaz before
Seheri.
And coffee actually wakes me up perfectly. An excellent reading
of Surah Rum which decidedly places among my favorites, and Surah
Yaseen in Namaaz. Again, I sleep briefly to a short dream, just like
yesterday, which sort of wipes my mind so clean, an inexplicable
feeling in the brain, that I lay for some time basking in that.
Contradicting messages: On one hand, the Ladies from the
Ladies Group are ready to brave the lockdown because they
can no longer stand being without maids. Some rightfully say (like
in other parts of the world) that we'll have to learn to live with
this thing. But in sharp contrast, I find out this morning that
three buildings in our Society have been "sealed", presumably
no movement allowed at all! I ask Saswat, who lives in one of them,
but he doesn't yet know what this really means.
In the evening, he sends me pictures: The elevators have been
sealed, except one that can only be ridden by authorisation, and
a sign in large Devanagari letters blocks the entrance. No exit
or entrance allowed, the society "will provide essentials"...
We need to refurbish our stock. Ruksanna has started using
the 25kg rice pack, which was anyway starting to get contaminated.
-- Lilac Building, sealed --
"... Certainly, we have made this easy in your tongue,
in order that you may remember ..."
(Surah Dukhan [44] v. 58)
- Ramadhan, Rosa 22 to 28 -
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 05/16/20 -- Roza 22
Home Gym: 0:32:00
Sequence: Straight lift - Standing Bar Shoulders - Small
Shoulders (flies, salutes and back) - Abs - Ankle Weights
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 22 Surah Ahzaab
Was going to take a day off, but don't know how else to wake up!
This is a particularly active morning, between the organisation
of the Zakaat, work, and a trip to Mhada and Sunshine to replenish our
stocks, and finally trying to read the daily Juz before the end of the
day. This keeps me running till Dhuhr, which then leaves me particularly
weakened. Perhaps I am paying the morning's gym session,
wondering whether
I'll be able to work, or even get out of bed! Things do improve again
later in the day though, overall a good day. Shabaz has joined us
for Asr ki Namaaz and has taken the role of Imaam for the first time.
"... And indeed We have made the Qur'an easy to understand
and remember,
then is there any one who will remember? ..."
(Surah Qamar [54] leitmotiv)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 05/17/20 -- Roza 23
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 23 Surah Saffat
Rest! Well deserved...
In fact, after Namaaz, I sleep on and off till 8.
Ruksanna has also prayed, she is fasting with me, her third
or fourth I think. WHen I wake up, she has slept too, keeping
her hijab under the bed sheet, circling her face white and gold.
I find her so beautiful. She wakes up and seems to read my mind
perfectly, "Sorry, ham dono roza hai...". This makes me laugh.
A week from now we will be free.
I think things are much better without gym, avoiding
yesterday's burn-out, but after a very busy morning continuing
are Zakat operation, and coming back from Haiko at 12, I feel
completely exhausted again, interrupt my Qu'ran reading to sleep,
and don't pray Dhuhr till 2. The weakness actually again fuels
the Namaaz, giving it in its struggle a slight sense of
last breath, which I imagine depicts what illness would
be like. Things go better after that, we continue to make
progress on the Zakaat, and I make a big step catching up
with writing the Qur'anic quotes. After Iftaari, energy restored,
I feel very good, which unfortunately causes us to sleep a little
late.
"... Verily, man was created very impatient.
Irritable when evil touches him.
And niggardly when good touches him.
Except those that are devoted to Salat.
Those who remain constant in their Salat ..."
(Surah Maarij [70] vv. 19 to 23)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 05/18/20 -- Roza 24
Home Gym: 0:36:00
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights.
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 24 Surah Ghafir till v 61
The threat approaches. Now, it's building Yucca, just
one building over from us, which is being sealed due to a
Coronavirus case.
Struggle to wake up around 3:30, after having gone to bed
too late. The damn fan continues to squeak, has become unusable
and we're "condemned" to sleep in AC, which eventually gets too
cold. This seems like it's going to be another hard one, and I
once again wonder how I'll fare for this last week of Ramadhan.
Also today, Sofia and Zoia have insisted to be woken up too for
Roza. I feel I'm gaining ground in reading, then in Namaaz, but
their chatter eventually topples me down again, cutting short
a perhaps
too ambitious plan of reciting a long section of Surah Isra.
Thankfully, after all this, and in spite of the broken fan,
I manage to sleep back! And wake up to this good gym session.
The combat continues...
And things dramatically improve for the rest of the day,
after a good sleep till 7:30. Dhurh ki Namaaz is excellent,
providing an excellent opportunity to re-attempt what had
failed at dawn - an excellent recitation of Surah al-Isra,
whose last section I have started learning, approaching its
most powerful conclusion.
-- Balcony at sunset, before Iftaar --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 05/19/20 -- Roza 25
Home Gym: 0:32:00
Sequence: Seated Shoulders - Standing Biceps - Squats - Abs.
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
-- Number of cases in India passes 1 Lakh --
10th reading Juz 25 Surah Zukhruf till v 68
Woke up well, Namaaz is Surah ali-Imraan then An'aam.
But unfortunately unable to sleep back for some reason.
I find it hard to believe that my weight is not going down.
Is it muscular mass that is being preserved?
Strangely, through the rest of the day, I am equally unable
to sleep, in spite of my best attempts, as if I had drunk 1 litre
coffee. But strangely, I don't feel tired per se, just strange.
And at mid-day, after finishing the daily Juz, this peculiar state
allows me one of the most extraordinary Namaaz I have ever produced!
It is comprised of 6 rukus of Surah al-Isra...
As always, I am left sitting as if detached, wondering why
my mind cannot achieve this consistently, or if once attained
it should put an end to things. But no, life is toil is Sabr.
Perhaps this is the lead-up to Laylatul Qadr, in another
two days.
"... Has there not been over man a period of time
when he was not a thing worth mentionning? ..."
(Surah Insaan [76] v. 1)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 05/20/20 -- Roza 26
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 26 Surah Fath
The opposite of yesterday in a way, after Namaaz, I fall
to several episodes of sleep, from I struggle to emerge for
a meeting at 8:00. Much work on the Surah Quotes has kept me
busy for a large part of the day, to the detriment of writing,
which I'll probably postpone till after Ramzaan. We've continued
the Zakat work, and inevitably, Ruksanna has gotten into an
argument with her half-brother Nawaaz ("the evil one"), but
I laboriously manage to convince her to let go.
In the evening, we go out to Mhada. Our masks straps are
all broken by now, so I wear a kerchief on top of the mask to
hold it, which makes breathing challenging. In Mhada, the usual
shops, our chicken-valla, etc., it is actually quite lively
here, in spite of the ever worsening situation in Mumbai.
-- Sofia really wants us to wake her up for Seheri --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 05/21/20 -- Roza 27
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
Home Gym: 0:29:30
Sequence: BarPress - Abs - Weighted Combo Punches.
-- WHO reports the largest single-day case increase,
two thirds of which are in just four countries (US, Russia,
Brazil and India) --
10th reading Juz 27 Surah Qamar
SOfia and Shabaz have really insisted on waking up to
observe Roza, and have kept a hilarious note on the hall table
to that effect.
I haven't slept much (due to late going to bed), but like
every day, get up around 3:30 and start with Tahajjud ki Namaaz,
before eating chicken from yesterday. Like yesterday, I fall back
asleep well after Namaaz, waking in time for a meeting at 8.
Uncharacteristically, once over, feeling a little groggy, I do
this late gym session, which does wake me up. Tonight will be
Laylatul Qadr...
Ruksanna can't stop laughing at the neighbour. This time,
they've kept a whole stock of food outside on the shoe-rack, next
to the large knife. SHe, in competition, has extracted
the evil eye, and kept two plates as a result and a Jhadu
outside, which must have freaked out the doudh-valla who's thrown
the milk far from our door. This makes her laugh so much that
she wakes up several family members on the phone to tell them
the anecdote!
"... So glorify Allah when you come up to the evening
and when you enter the morning.
And His are all the praises and thanks in the heavens and earth;
and glorify Him in the afternoon and when you come up
to the time when the day begins to decline ..."
(Surah Rum [30] v. 17 - 18)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 05/22/20 -- Roza 28
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
10th reading Juz 28 Surah Mumtahanah
Yesterday Laylatul Qadr. Recited
in Namaaz large portions of the Qur'an,
including excerpts from Surah Baqarah, Ali-Imraam, An'aam,
A'raaf and of course the omnipresent Surah al-Isra. Then
concluded with the last Surah's, including Surah Qadr itself.
Unfortunately, another work emergency has entered
my mind and keeps interfering, a pesky occurrence that
irritates me to no end, yet am not able to control. The
Rakhats start relatively well, but lose their strength
as the exercise prolongs, and I slowly lose grip, giving
up. I have resolved to read till midnight (but without
watching time), incredibly, when I stop, my phone indicates
precisely "0:00".
The next day is tired, loss of motivation,
succumbing to fatigue. By some caprice of rest though, I
actually wake up better, and my Tahajjud ki Namaaz indicates
for a time that my strength has returned. But this is short
lived. I sleep back after Namaaz, but my brain will feel
half shut throughout the day. Sofia had again kept some
drawings on the table to urge us to wake her up, but in the
morning she cannot shake off sleep, will not keep Roza after all.
In spite of no Gym,
lack of energy, dizziness. Cannot gather much takkat into
Namaaz. I may try to gather strength,
remind myself the extent of the month, to no avail, frustrated
but powerless, and
I eventually give up, feeling dejected but hoping for
a better day, wondering what I have done to fall out
of favor. Affected also by the perspective of the after Ramadhan,
in confinement, it doesn't feel like much change, and perhaps
these two months are taking their toll.
This once again illustrates that Laylatoul Qadr does not work for me.
Or more generally, I collapse under my own excess.
Even though I am drawn
to passion, I should know to resist its draw, a game of push-pull
towards balance, contrasting activities feeding off one another.
Me who had considered i'tikaaf (staying in the Masjid for
several days), I realize this isn't for me.
Like the artist who finally finds long yearned isolation
but produces nothing.
-- Bacche really don't want to miss last Roza --
- Last Roza's, and Eid -
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 05/23/20 -- Roza 29
Home Gym: 0:36:30
Sequence: Prone Row - Dumbbell Press - Abs - Ankle Weights
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
10th reading Juz 29 Surah Nuh
Furious that she coudn't wake up for yesterday's Roza,
Sofia has left another stronger drawing, and instructed us
to pour water on her if she can't wake up. Her and Sabaz
will keep this last Roza.
By another caprice of sleep, my force has returned on today,
this last day of Ramadhan.
The Namaaz of the day are devoted and more serene, of a clear
mind. Feeling rested, I give myself a break for the last few days,
that one can do up to one's takkat.
I ponder at length over the Qur'anic leimotiv concepts
of patience and striving. That is it. There is no reaching the goal.
There is no end.
Then come the thoughts of after the lockdown. What next?
In the early days of the epidemic I had wished to live till Ramzaan,
that has been granted. Now? Till my birthday a month from now? To
pass that 54th year that seemed fateful? What will my days be like now?
The thought of running. Perhaps I will resume, very cautiously, within
the society, till things open, and can learn the Surah's better again.
I conclude the day with Ishaa ki Namaaz, concluding the Ramadhan actually,
in a this better day, feeling serene and satisfied.
But in the evening, we find out the moon has not been sighted
in India. Tomorrow will be another Roza, and Eid will fall on Monday.
-- Last Asr ki Namaaz --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 05/24/20 -- Roza 30
Home Gym: 0:36:00
Sequence: Shoulders - Biceps - Triceps - Abs - Ankle Weights
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
10th reading Juz 30 Surah Inshiqaq
An extra Roza.
This goes on fine, albeit at a lower intensity.
We went for water and Haiko, I came back a bit tired by the
formidable heat, but ok. We've also met the manager of Nahar, to
distribute some Zakat money to the maintenance staff, which
concludes our Zakat for this Ramadhan. In all, we've distributed
4 Lakhs 20 thousand this year, not sure if the amount is entirely
correct, but it feels good in these difficult times.
Perhaps this additional Roza is Allah's will.
Just as the delay of the start
allowed me to finish the reading of the Qur'an, the delay in Eid
will allow to finish my 10th reading while still fasting,
alhamdoulillah. For this, I've planned something that overjoys me.
I read the Juz till the last 10 surahs. Then, after praying Asr
ki Namaaz with Sofia and Shabaz as usual (Zoia has dropped out
because of her period), we all sit there with the Qur'an, and
take turns at reading the familiar Surah's, while Ruksanna listens
attentively. Esa, with their help, I complete my 10th reading
of the book, moved and fulfilled.
And in the evening, after the last Iftaar (for which there
wasn't much food left by the way), Nazia suddenly calls us to
the balcony: There, the thin moon crescent is perfectly revealed,
miraculously framed in the little expanse of sky visible to us.
The many Masjids start blabbering about the Eid on their mic's,
I stay fascinated by the sliver of moon, which fades orange then
soon disappears, then Ishaa ki Adhaan echoes through the
streets. I feel moved, fulfilled.
Tomorrow will be Eid -
-- Sighting of the New Moon --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 05/25/20 -- Eid ul Fitr
Home Gym: 0:40:40
Sequence: Bar Press - Abs - Ankle Weights - Shoulders Flies
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
- USA approach 100,000 victims - Domestic flights resume
in India -
I woke up at 3, for some time, with the aadat of getting up for
Seheri, it looks like I won't be able to sleep again, especially
since now, in addition to the squeaky fan, the AC has started
leaking on the bed (and staying with neither is not an option
in this heat!). I do fall back asleep though, and am woken up
by the Adhaan at 4:40, disoriented at first, but soon delighted.
Without the Qur'an to read, I resume learning Surah Isra and
pray a shorter but fulfilled Namaaz. Sofia, for some reason
also unable to sleep, starts wishing "Eid Mubarak" on the balcony,
then roaming around. I try to send her back to bed.
All the children are with us. We get ready to pray Chasht
ki Namaaz (as recommended by the Hazrat in this time of confinement)
with the children. I lead it, reciting surah Aa'la and Ghashiyah
like I've often heard on Eid. One of the children though is sniffing
behind me. After Namaaz, I realize it's Sofia who has been
sobbing the whole time, because of a dispute with Ruksanna, as she
was insisting on wearing someone else's kapde for Eid. Her tears
do not stop, as I try to console her for some time, wondering if,
in spite of her bravery and good disposition, how the anguish of
the pandemic and lockdown is affecting her. What would I have
felt as a 10 year old?
Eventually, Ruksanna is arranging a display of all the jewellery
on the ground, from which she will ask the girls to choose. And she
gives each one the Eidi, 500 roupies each. Sofia's mood is restored,
although she is still reluctant to hug her mother. Finally, we take
a series of photos which I assemble into a couple montages, this will
be our Eid Mubarak card.
-- Eid Mubarak --
First Run (3.06 Miles) -- 05/26/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 05/26/20 -- First Run
Inside Nahar: 4 laps Yarrow to Laurel
Time: 0:32:05
Estimated Pace: 10'30"/mile
Estimated Mileage: 3.06 Miles
68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
Weather: 30C; Humidity 83%
Historic. Here it is, the first run in over two months.
And it feels quite shitty!
A night of frequent wake-ups. At Ruksanna's invitation, I fall
asleep on the balcony only to be awaken 1/2 hour later by mosquito
stings in the heel, like every single time. Then wake up
again at 11:00 with an overwhelming need to pee. Then woken up
again by mosquito bites in the arm. Then wake up again to the drip
of the AC, which I cannot shut otherwise we'd boil. And finally
in the morning around 5, the only thing that has not woken me up
is the morning Adhaan, strangely.
Re-establishing a routine, I now spend the morning hours like
before, coffee and light breakfast while learning further Surah
al-Isra, and praying parts of it in Namaaz. After yesterday's joyous
Eid, I re-focus on the solitude of the morning, anxious to not fall
back much after the fast. This works, even though my memory falters
in a few places. Ruksanna has deliberately put a lot of Ghee in
yesterday's Biryani, to prop me back up, but it had the
effect of nearly taking me out for the rest of the day. Even
this morning, I feel kind of heavy at first :)
To kick-off a new phase, I had vaguely decided to run today.
Well, deciding to confirm that plan, I go into the usual stretching,
then get ready. I will run inside the Nahar premises, not quite
sure how that will be received, or even how much of it is open.
I fear that my excess of sweat, uncontrollable in this climate
may anger people, but I'll take that risk. Everyone at home is
still asleep when I go out around 6:30.
It is quiet outside. The guards don't seem to pay any particular
attention to me, and no-one says anything. The building next to
us (Yucca) being sealed, our area is cordoned, so I start beyond
the rope.
Running actually feels awful, worst than I would have thought.
I am greeted by pain, particularly in the right hamstring,
and seem to have completely completely lost my breath. The heavy
heat does not help that. I take it slow, but still the effort
prevents me from rehearsing the Qur'an like I planned to. That said,
I gamingly take on the game of patience that will be needed to get
back into it. I circle
around the property till I reach another rope, that which cordones
the Laurel building (Saswat's), also sealed.
There are a few walkers, from whom I am careful to
observe as much distance as possible. Most are wearing masks, I am
not, it would be nearly impossible under my current lack of fitness.
I take it very slowly, hoping that the pace will settle in, but it
doesn't really. One stopped, I ask the guard if I should go through
the spray machine before re-entering my building, and I do.
I follow this with a second lengthy stretching session, talking
with Ruksanna who by now has woken up, and feeling actually really
good (although still sweaty) after the run.
My plan is to run on alternate days, sandwiching it with gym
sessions, insh'allah.
Ramping Back Up (4.84 Miles) -- 05/31/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 05/27/20 -- Contained Area to Contained Area
Inside Nahar: 4 laps Yarrow to Laurel
Time: 0:32:01
Mileage: 3.15 Miles - 5.08 Km (1.27 km X 4)
Pace: 10'08"/mile - 6'18"/km
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
Weather: 30C; Humidity 78%
Learning Surah al-Isra still, hoping to reach the Sajadah very soon
(the next verse). But at the same time, I realize I might be forging
ahead too fast, with things crumbling in the rear. I am finding memory
lapses opening even in the first Rukus which need to be rehearsed, not
to mention the more recently learned sections which were still frail.
This will require a lot of work still.
Even though I had planned to run on alternate days, I cannot
resist the call of the outside in the morning. So here we
go, for a second day in a row.
I am again greeted by back and hamstring pain which makes
my first strides quite inelegant, but I do manage to relax somewhat.
Today, my breath at least is better, at least for some time, and
I am now able to let my mind rehearse the Aayat's. There are fewer
walkers than yesterday (it's slightly earlier), but one great runner,
very lean, who is much faster than I, and hasn't interrupted training
during the lockdown. The heat is similar, that is, still very heavy
and sweaty. But I get by, better than yesterday. I even contemplate
a fifth lap, but eventually renounce, as I start to slow down.
The loooong road back continues.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 05/28/20 --
Home Gym: 0:56:09
Sequence: Abs - Ankle Weights - Prone Row - Dumbbell Press
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs
- The death count in the US passes 1,00,000 -
- In Maharashtra 56,948 cases, death toll 1,897 -
Continuing with Surah al-Isra, good Namaaz.
I feel very sore from the last two running days. Hence
this gym session.
A busy day, which isn't bad I guess, although no time
at all for writing. I do preserve a good Namaaz, without the
intensity or length of Ramzaan, but still of value, attempting
to find balance with the douniyah.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 05/29/20 --
Yarrow roundabout to Bryony roundabaout X 4
Time: 0:39:34
Mileage: 3.84 Miles - 6.2 Km (0.96M X 4; 1.55K X 4)
Pace: 10'18"/mile - 6'22"/km
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs
Temperature: 30C; Humidity 78%
Up with Adhaan, after multiple wake-ups through the night.
Interestingly, in the evenings, I seem to close up at sun-down,
as if losing energy and hope, only wanting to retire and sleep
(or read L'Ile Mysterieuse...) Is this a distant echo of when
I used to cry inexplicably in the evenings as a baby?
Anyway, mornings are always better. Classic morning, studying
Surah al-Isra, then Surah Yaseen in Namaaz for this day Jummah.
I then embark on this third run, similar to the previous two.
It's even quieter today. The runner guy is there, and today
the American woman (whose husband I had briefly chatted with at
the start of the lockdown). I feel similar (back and hamstring
stiffness, and even in my right arm), but a little better, and
breath is slowly coming back (but runs out eventually).
I run four laps again, but pushing this time till the far gate
at Bryony, which lengthens the lap a bit, and will become
the norm. This will surely get very boring soon, but for now,
on the long road to recovery, it is appropriate. Very hot
weather again, overabundant perspiration. Although sore, I feel
quite good after the run.
Pretty intense work, meeting after meeting, as it has been
this week. Around lunch time, we "took rest", and I felt so good
that I delivered a wonderful Surah Mulk Namaaz, the one that
admires the world.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 05/30/20 --
Home Gym: 0:32:07
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Combo punches
Weight: 69.5 kg - 153.2 lbs
An unusual wake-up this morning. For some reason, my mind
does not clear fully, and I am plagued by memory lapses
which I am unable to fight. I revert to easier Surah's,
then, rather than forcing the way through Gym, go back
to bed, advance a little in L'Ile Mysterieuse, and thankfully,
in spite of the coffee, find an episode of sleep.
When I wake up, there is still barely enough time
for this fast-paced gym session, squeezed before an 8am
meeting, and actually quite good. Back to "full charge"
on the bar press, and sets of 8's.
The weight gain does frustrate me. I have been very
careful with nutrition, but after the fast, I know that this
is inevitable. Patience...
A small incident yesterday: A crow, whom we've been feeding
on the balcony, entered our room to grab some grains, spilling
them around. Ruksanna gives this seemingly small occurrence
great importance: She calls the Hazrat in Kadugodi, sending a
picture of the small scene. Through some complex network of
calls which I don't follow, she gets someone to inquire on
Khalama's health (she is probably dying). The Hazrat
comes back with the recommendation to read both Surah Yaseen
and Rahman, then blow in water, and spread that across the
house. I am mildly annoyed by these superstitions, but tamely
go with it.
-- The crow incident ... --
Corona Virus news are not good.
India's lock-down seems to have failed. Unlike in Europe
where confinement is being lifted with no harm so far
(I was wrong on this by the way, predicting a major surge
in the epidemic), in India, and especially in Maharashtra,
cases continue to rise alarmingly, in spite of India
having confined at about the same time as France, and at
at a time where cases were very few.
Could it ever have worked? Can India be successfully
confined, as the Western Democracies? Or was this a lost
battle all along. Confinement is definitely a luxury for
the wealthy. Much is being debated about the four hours
of Narendra Modi, those four hours that he gave to the country
before putting the lockdown into effect, effectively stranding
million of migrant workers wherever they were, without the
ability to return home. Could it have been done otherwise?
Either way, we are not getting out any time soon.
I have heard from Saswat that his building has been re-opened,
the new strategy now being to only seal the specific floors
where cases are found (there are four such cases in his building,
but none on his floor). Alhamdoulillah for that, I can worry
a little less about being sealed at least.
If only things could re-open just enough for me
to run outside...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 05/31/20 --
Yarrow to Bryony, 5 laps
Time: 0:50:53
Mileage: 4.84 Miles - 7.75 Km (0.96M X 5; 1.55K X 5)
Pace: 10'33"/mile - 6'33"/km
Weight: 69.5 kg - 153.2 lbs
Weather: 31C; Humidity 74%
Up around 4:25, learning Surah al-Isra, reaching the Sajadah.
But like yesterday, the mind is hazy, and I struggle with
memory during Namaaz, trying to stay calm as I try to overcome
this block. Patience, this is ok, patience.
My weight has shot up, once again, completely impossible
to control after the fast, no matter how well I eat. Frustrating,
but there too, patience.
I have resolved to run, perhaps a little longer, on this
Sunday. But hearing a noise outside, I peek out the window,
it is still dark, the ground glistens by the lights of the
building. Rain!! Pre-monsoon rains were announced, but I didn't
realize that would start today. Yet another obstacle to overcome.
Could the rains not have waited for me to acquire a little
stamina at least?
After stretching at her side, I wake up Ruksanna with coffee,
tell her to look outside for a surprise. She doesn't notice
anything, but her eyes are still half closed. "Baarish!" I proclaim
enthusiastically, as she appears nonplussed. She has hoped that
this would wash the virus away, but I have my doubts.
But once out, the ground is completely dry,
the sky actually crystal
clear. What??? I must have mistaken some washing efforts for
rain. Imagining Ruksanna's half asleep incomprehension this
morning makes me laugh.
On Sunday morning, a little earlier, it is even quieter than
usual. Hardly anyone except for that faithful runner, who apparently
has been at it already for some time, and will continue after me,
at a much superior pace. I am gradually doing better though,
manage the effort, sore but a little less so, starting to find
a certain controlled rhythm, which allows me to rehearse the
Qur'an, and as I hoped feel strong enough to add another lap,
good for a 50 minute run. Not bad way to cap my first week of
running.
The other day though, an error in measurement had made
me overestimate the distance, leading to a very optimistic
pace around 9'30"/mile. Once corrected, it yields around
10'30"/mile, soberingly slower, but actually making more
sense. Patience, with time, this will gradually come back,
Insh'Allah.
Patience.
-- Surah al-Isra, Last Ruku, till the Sajdah --
Surah al-Isra, First Rains (5.82 Miles) -- 06/03/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 06/01/20 -- First Rain - Easing of Restrictions
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs
-- Maharashtra, following Narendra Modi's national
speech yesterday, announces new measures
easing the lockdown --
Feel pretty good actually after yesterday's run. Still,
impose myself a "mandatory rest day". With aggressive
dieting, I seem to be bringing my weight back under
control, but let's see what comes next.
This time, I am right: Rain has come during the night,
and it is wet outside. I will be able to appropriately
surprise Ruksanna.
Last night, a loud fight erupted with Sofia shouting like
hell, Ruksanna goes to appease. Wake up again with Adhaan
at 4:38, ok, but not great. Continue to rehearse the last
part of Surah al-Isra, and recite it for the first time
in Namaaz till the Sajdah. Hesitant, but encouraging.
After that, with no exercise to dissipate a growing brain
fog, after stretching I try to sleep again - to no avail.
Finally, after a string of morning meetings (even on
a Monday!), I consult the news: In spite of the severity
of the epidemic, the rules of Lockdown are being eased up
here too. Most importantly, from Wednesday onwards,
"Outdoor activities like cycling and jogging during day"
will be allowed!!
I did not hope that my wish would be granted so soon...
Later, before Dhuhr, I grant Ruksanna's request, and
read in front of her all of Surah Yaseen and Rahman, then
blow in a cup of water, which she will spread across the
house.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 06/02/20 --
Yarrow to Bryony, 3 Laps
Time: 0:27:34
Mileage: 2.85 Miles - 4.62 Km (0.95M X 3; 1.54K X 3)
Pace: 9'40"/mile - 5'58"/km
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
Weather: 30C; Humidity 74%
Up around 4:20, decide to get up.
Continue to revise last rukus of Surah al-Isra, and recited
them in Namaaz till the Sajdah. Only two verses are left to
complete the extraordinary Surah.
Although unsatisfied with my nutrition yesterday, my
weight barely makes it in the good 68 range. Let's keep it
that way.
Pick up the pace a little here, to establish a better
training pace. But I cut the run a little shorter. Generally,
I continue to feel better (although still not great), the
soreness has greatly subsided, stretching has become better.
The current idea is to stay inside till this Saturday,
when I plan to venture out again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 06/03/20 -- Toufaan
Yarrow to Bryony, 6 Laps
Time: 0:59:50
Mileage: 5.82 Miles - 9.42 Km (0.97M X 6; 1.57K X 6)
Pace: 10'16"/mile - 6'21"/km
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs
Weather: 27C; Humidity 83%
-- In Maharashtra, "Outdoor activities
like cycling and jogging during day"
become permitted --
Up again around 4:20. It's too early, but I still get up,
rehearse again Surah al-Isra, inching towards the ending.
A tropical storm has been announced over the Arabian
Sea, affecting all of India's West Coast. I set out early
around 6am. Steady rain throughout, and gusts of Wind from
the North-West, but very runnable. In fact, the cooler air,
and exhilarating effect of the rain, makes for a much more
pleasant run. I am rigorously alone this time, at a more
relaxed pace than yesterday, feel my endurance is coming
back, and pain has subsided. So I lenghten the run to an
hour, feeling that I could even have done more, starting
to get a good feeling again. In the sky, for the first
time, a series of airplanes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 06/04/20 -- Intermittent (After the Storm)
Yarrow to Bryony, 3 Laps
Time: 0:27:39
Mileage: 2.91 Miles - 4.71 Km (0.97M X 3; 1.57K X 3)
Pace: 9'30"/mile - 5'52"/km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs
Unfortunately, another period of insomnia.
I wake up around 1:00 to the night devils. I seem to deflate
every day after sundown, yesterday so much that I skipped Ishaa.
At night, the mood is even worse, in the characteristic night
anguish, but thankfully, Ruksanna proposes to put me back to sleep,
which I eventually do, alhamdouillah. I wake up shortly before
Adhaan to a dream of cuddling with a tiger, even though others
worry it might be dangerous.
I feel actually better, and re-attack Surah al-Isra, and
pray it once again in Namaaz. I had decided to take a day off
but seeing no rain, and wanting to complete my awakening, I
go out after all, and implement this earlier plan of an easy
Fartlek run, as a first step towards speed. This actually
proceeds well, if it weren't for a mysterious pain in the
back left shoulder-blade, of a type I've never felt. Probably
not concerning though.
Yesterday's storm has left the air a little purer, no rain
or wind this morning, a calm before monsoon rains that will start
a few hours later. As things slowly re-open, the stupid spray
cabin at the entrance has been dismantled.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 06/05/20 --
Home Gym: 0:56:30
Sequence: Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Squats - Abs -
Ankle Weights.
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs (unchanged, in spite of
aggressive dieting)
Similar pattern.
Yesterday, overwhelmed by excessive work, increasingly
foul mood
towards the evening which leads to a somewhat despondent
state after sun-down, and in the night, another anguished
insomnia, which I fortunately overcome. Wake up with
morning Adhaan around 4:40.
Determined to fight back the pollution of
work, I focus as best I can on studying the last verses
of Surah al-Isra (which I technically learn till the
end for the first time), and Surah Yaseen in Namaaz.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 06/06/20 -- Outside aborted.
Home Gym: 0:53:30
Sequence: Barpress - Abs - Ankle Weights - Shoulder flies.
Up to 3 sets of 8 reps at full charge.
------------------
Run: Yarrow to Lilac, X 3
Time: 0:21:50
Mileage: 2.37 Miles - 3.81 Km (0.79M X 3; 1.27K X 3)
Pace: 9'12"/mile - 5'43"/km
Weather: 24C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs
Today was going to be the day.
I had planned to go out, run outside to Lake Powai,
just like that last run before lockdown. After learning and Namaaz
(strengthening my knowledge of the last verses of Surah Al-Isra),
I stretch by Ruksanna and give her coffee, when I hear noise
from outside. Is it raining? She pulls the pardeh, it definitely
is!! A violent monsoon storm hits us, just as I was ready to go out.
There is definitely no going out in this sudden maelstrom.
I hadn't thought of that for some reason. Disappointed,
reluctantly abandonning my great outcoming, I fall
back on this gym session, actually not bad. The shoulder pain has
just about gone, seems to be induced by running only (a first). But
I can't help eye outside seeking sings of appeasement of the storm.
It does eventually, and once I'm done, it's actually Ruksanna who
encourages me to go out, "You will like it", she says.
So I add this run. Too late to go outside Nahar, but nonetheless
it feels good to run within the property. Feeling surprisingly fluid,
legs flowing better and better, I pick up the pace actually,
but keep the run short. And some small flooding at the Laurel
building makes me shorten the loop. Perhaps I will still do my
big outcoming tomorrow, and perhaps Allah send this storm
at that exact time to prevent me from something, insh'allah.
Ironically, except for this one fortuitous flash storm, the
rest of the day will be beautiful.
Separately, we learned yesterday that Khalamma (Ruksanna's
mother's sister who became her father's second wife - if you
can follow that) has passed away. When I come back, she makes
me talk to Salaam Bhaia, who has come from Chennai to Tiruppattur.
I am as ever hesitant to talk on the phone, but once done,
Ruksanna expresses her satisfaction, bahut acche se baat ki,
muslim log itna nahi baat karenge.
Outside! (5.43 Miles) -- 06/07/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 06/07/20 -- Outside!
Nahar - Rambaugh - Lake Powai Platform - to IIT Main Gate -
Orchard Ave. - Heera Pana - Rambaugh - back.
Time: 0:53:51
Mileage: 5.43 Miles - 8.75 Km
Pace: 9'55"/mile - 6'09"/km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 83%
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs (continues to be stuck at this
weight, which I consider acceptable; but should not increase
from here).
Not exactly the glorious jubilation I had pre-written in my mind!
Quite on the contrary, the great outcoming turns out to be
a horribly shitty run!
Unfortunately, my morale has hit bottom. Overworked,
incapable of resisting the assault of worries, my inner mind
is invaded by bullshit, chasing the Qur'anic verses
that had possessed it last month, I can no longer sleep,
I can no longer elevate myself.
Yesterday evening, we went to Mhada, which at least had
the advantage of avoiding falling into an uncomfortable sleep
after Maghrib. Mumbai is definitely re-opening, in spite of
the continous flare-up in cases. The epidemic continues to
baffle scientists and laymen alike by its unreasonable
behavior. In France, the deconfinement seems successful, contrary
to what I had predicted. Here, who knows what will happen.
I woke up at 4am (for once having slept straight), a brief
respite but soon ridiculous work frustrations invade me again,
and won't let me go. I get up. Determined to fight back. But
I am tired.
I have publically proclaimed today a offline day, refusing
to see any work, refusing to open email or Whatsapp, my style of
the holy Shabat. I rehearse again the last ruku of Surah al-Isra,
and for the first time, pray those last four in Namaaz, till the
end, with some success, pausing at times to let the invasive work
thoughts come and go, not ignoring them entirely, just trying to
let them pass, so the devotion can resume.
After Namaaz, I do consult my phone, as goes my tarika, to
find an unusual message from Jeremie, which starkly poses the
pressing question of: "Should I leave the website open, or
keep it protected?" (I have opened it since the first week
of confinement, and left it so, a debatable decision). His
message adds to the already starkly somber mood of the day.
I nevertheless proceed with my singular idea: Today is the day!
I will go running outside no matter what,
for the first time in over
two months. Today, no storm, no nothing, I will go.
In spite of my early wake-up, prolonged Namaaz and stretching
have made time pass, and I do not exit until 7. But today,
the motion of running feels laborious. I am hoping things
will come together as they often do, but that does
not happen at all, rather, I feel increasing discomfort.
I am a little weary of how I will be received. There are
people out, mostly poor coming from D-Mart or Mhada, and
traversing the little Rambagh slum like I used to, I don't
know if it will feel like a reunion of sorts or whether I will
be looked at with hostility. Neither really, although a
passing motorbike gestures to me, I think he means that I
should be wearing a mask. I pause to do just that, tying
a kerchief across my face, adding to the discomfort of running,
to the point where I'll later drop it around my neck.
Along the lake, some walkers, exercise, mostly among the
poor. I pass my old muslim friends and salute them
with a full Assalam Waleikum in passing, to which they
respond cheerily. The lake is not even beautiful today,
the sun already risen having disappeared behind a nondescript
cloud cover. I had hoped for a photo to keep in symetry with
the last run, but will take none.
I run at a slow pace along the lake towards the IIT perimeter,
contrary to the magical feeling I was expecting, it actually
all feels too familiar, as if I had still been running every
day here, and my stride is laborious and tired. I turn back
at the IIT main gate, starting to wonder whether I'll make
it back home. The slum galli by Orchard street is closed
by an ominous sign, probably a Covid-19 containment area.
Here, in the more affluent areas, a few runners appear,
some wearing masks, some not. The mysterious shoulder
blade pain had re-appeared yesterday, petered out in
the morning, but is back on the run, and my breathing is
laborious, I feel like I am half suffocating in the heat.
But I hang on, trying to find a survival pace to complete
the run, which I eventually do.
Once home, after a slow cool-down, I manage to sleep
briefly at last.
This is miraculous. So perhaps all this morning's
hard labour hasn't been for nothing. It is as if Allah
has sent me the Qur'anic sakinah, His peace and rest.
I wake up with all darkness lifted, the earlier distress
incomprehensible, rested, reborn.
-- Last Verses of Surah al-Isra --
Setback (6.25 Miles) -- 06/14/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 06/08/20 --
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs (Still!)
It was but a brief respite.
An atrocious night - again.
Unable to sleep, feeling such failure at work, greatly preoccupied
by the state of the website, cannot push away the Ghee Happy project's
sinking failure, that as I finally do manage to fall asleep I see
a stupid dream about it.
Exhausted in the morning, try to concentrate on Surah al-Isra,
repeating again its last verses. The shoulder pain has gotten
worse since yesterday, very strong in the evening, interfering
with Namaaz or laying down, a little better in the morning. Have
to review my "come-back" plan, clearly it's not working. But
with all ways of exercise closed, feeling particularly exhausted,
I fear a terrible brain fog for today.
Things are bad.
As a first gesture, I do finally yield to Jeremie's advice:
I close
again the journal. What seals my decision is the thought of her. I
could risk myself in this, but how dare I expose her to this risk,
potentially exposing her intimacy to the world, without her even
knowing it? The question comes again, I am using her as a litterary
conceit? Put this way, the answer is irrevocable, it needs to be
closed.
And that is indeed what I do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 06/09/20 --
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs (Still!)
Another atrocious insomnia. Up at 3:30, in spite of all valiant
efforts, completely unable to sleep back. Things are not going
well.
Again, studying Surah al-Isra and again in Namaaz, as well as
very attracted by those verses of Surah Baqarah (although I
do have to be careful what my memory can take).
The shoulder pain, although subisded, is still there. I don't
really have the time to run anyway, just as well, another
rest day may be the best course of action. Now my return
starts to look like a failure. Patience.
I do try to sleep again in stretching, lying on the ground,
again in vain, till 7:30 meeting.
Things are not going well.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 06/10/20 -- Set-back
Yarrow to Bryony, 3 Laps
Time: 0:28:05
Mileage: 2.91 Miles - 4.71 Km (0.97M X 3; 1.57K X 3)
Pace: 9'39"/mile - 5'57"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68.6 kg - 151.2 lbs
Yesterday's atrocious day. How is this possible? The brain shut
to sleep. Despair. Shutdown in the morning, obstinately trying
to rest, refusing to talk, only getting up for Dhuhr ki Namaaz.
Contemplate calling sick. Evils of work from home. Still pick
myself up and work. But little else.
In the evening, unexpectedly, I read Marcel Gotlib
Rubrique à brac.
That strangely wakes me up.
Night, woke up around 1, feared sleep would again elude me,
but I do make it, wake up with Adhaan, to a dream where a dog is
biting my hand and won't let go, which strangely isn't painful.
It's ok, I say bravely, I am more afraid of monkeys than dogs...
Reasonably rested although mind still groggy, weather is
clear, shoulder pain subsided, all ligns up for me to attempt
running again. Even Ruksanna encourages it, worried by my
despondent mood yesterday.
I have definitely been set-back, probably because I've
ramped back up too quickly (as usual). This is not bad, but
I soon feel short of breath, and decide that 3 laps should
be enough. I am also very careful with left arm, trying to
find a position that does not inflame my shoulder again.
I'm perfectly happy to stay inside Nahar, actually rebuked
by last Sunday's run outside - not ready to try that again.
There are more walkers and runners now, among them the
great runner who continues his daily routine.
Mumbai is definitely opening. And with it the horrible
noise of traffic, and soon I imagine the oppressive pollution.
I always thought we would miss the lockdown in some way, and
perhaps this is soon coming. Every day seems to bring more
change, yesterday, noticed children's increasing presence
playing on the podium. Ours too, we let them go at least
an hour a day.
But this comes at the most dangerous time. The lockdown
in India has essentially failed, as the spike in cases
increases dramatically. We are surrounded by containment
zones. But this cannot be countered, once
the door opens slightly, it is inevitably pushed wide open,
the crowd will not be controlled. Not sure what happens
next. We will stay reasonably cautious, but not barricaded,
as we have so far.
I least, I feel rested today.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 06/11/20 -- Insomnia yet again!
Yarrow to Bryony, 4 Laps
Time: 0:37:37
Mileage: 3.88 Miles - 6.28 Km (0.97M X 4; 1.57K X 4)
Pace: 9'41"/mile - 5'59"/km
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
Yet another insomnia last night, unbelievable!! Caught between
excessive oppressive heat, or cold if I put the AC on, pesky
mosquitoes, and pesky work thoughts, and even the fridge! What
is wrong with me, I have lost the ability to put myself to
sleep, how do I regain control!?!? On top of it, that stupid
shoulder pain has crept back up during the day yesterday,
clearly induced by running and ...... prostrating in Namaaz!
Two essential activities...
Anyway, I try to make the best out of it, get up
before 5, study the Qur'an and Namaaz as best I can. I continue
to be gravely overworked (which perhaps explains all this), today,
another string of meetings starting at 7:30am. I still go out for
a run.
I feel a little better than yesterday actually, a bit
more comfortable, breathing better. However, I continue to
worry about this annoying shoulder problem, but decide to
cautiously power through it. It would be ironic (and hard
to accept!) that this is what could prevent my return to
running.
The weather is heavy and humid, and soon, a few rain
showers. But all in all, I do feel good. At least, I am
actually not doing bad at work, after a few meetings, I impose
a break and try to finally find some rest.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 06/12/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:47
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8.08 Km (1.25M X 4; 2.02K X 4)
Pace: 9'57"/mile - 6'09"/km
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs (Where did that come from?!!!?)
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
A better night's sleep.
Loss of motivation in Namaaz, struggle a little through
Surah Yaseen, especially since newly learned verses from other
Surah's interfere with my memory. I think it's ok to take a
half break, knowing that things will come back. Besides, I
continue to rehearse Surah al-Isra during the run.
I lengthen the run somewhat, now that Yucca (the building
next to us) is no longer under containment, opening the way.
This is the longest lap within our Nahar.
I feel overall ok, careful to manage the pace. Shoulder though
is still painful, in spite of my best efforts at finding a
position to mitigate, and after the run, a surprise left knee
pain.
Am thinking taking a mandatory rest day tomorrow, before
perhaps another attempt at venturing outside on Sunday.
Later, unsatisfied with the morning's Yaseen recitation,
I repeat it over Dhuhr ki Namaaz (after a brief nap) to much
better effect. I do not want to lose ground, and allow work
thoughts to invade my entire psyche. Also, I am reading every day
those verses from Surah Baqarah (211 onwards) which stood out
during Ramadhan, and started to slowly learn them, even as
the knowledge of Surah al-Isra is still firming up.
I feel better.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 06/14/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Time: 1:05:04
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10.1 Km (1.25M X 5; 2.02K X 5)
Pace: 10'24"/mile - 6'26"/km
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs (in spite of aggressive dieting)
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Yesterday, sleep at 8, skipped Maghrib and Isha Namaaz!
Fell back asleep in the night, the horrible spate of
insomnia seems behind me.
This morning's check list:
Rested: Yes, very much! Check.
Pain: Minor in the back, but ok. Check.
Weather: Overcast, but no rain. Check.
All ready to run!
I had planned to run about an hour at a slow pace, and
I run about an hour at a slow pace. Exactly according to
plan, a reasonable controlled run, within my limits, slowly
trying to re-establish a training pace. I actually feel better
inside for now, somewhat put-off by last week's sortie,
and have come to enjoy the repetitive perimeter of Nahar,
quiet at this hour. This feels good for now, till I gather
more strength, and things get less tense outside with
Covid-19.
In a form of gluttony, I have started learning (and
writing) that new Ruku from Surah Baqarah which has struck
me in the last reading. I miss the devotion of the Qur'an,
somewhat eclipsed by work, and assert it back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- 55th Birthday --
Fifty-five Years (7.5 Miles) -- 06/21/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 06/15/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Time: 0:34:54
Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6.06 Km (1.25M X 3; 2.02K X 3)
Pace: 9'18"/mile - 5'45"/km
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
Weather: 29C; Humidity 88%
Another crisis at work last night, which I happened to catch
by making a surprising exception to my Sunday moratorium.
Yet another crisis, and yet how many times has this happened,
it has been our Modus Operandi, and the only oddity is
that we are still there. In this case, it fills me with rage
more than anything, and a sense of the absurd. I nevertheless
manage to sleep at night, even falling back to sleep after
3:30 (reading Mémoires D'Outre-Tombe), which
proves how insomnia may not be linked to the level of worry,
rather, there must be some unexplained physiological barrier
that occasionally blocks sleep. This time, in spite of all
the thoughts that should keep me at the surface, I manage
to enter the deeper recesses of the brain, and sleep.
And I wake up well. I study once again the end of Surah
al-Isra, recite it in Namaaz. Following yesterday's run, I
was planning to impose myself another mandatory rest day,
but feeling so good, and flexible in stretching (but shoulder
pain is still there), I decide on an inspiration to run again,
especially since I don't know if I'll be able to run tomorrow.
It is again very very humid, sweaty, but no rain.
I keep the run shorter, but at a faster pace. Again, other than the
shoulder pain (which does not worsen but still lingers), all
is good. Even my weight is encouraging.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 06/17/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10.1 Km (1.25M X 5; 2.02K X 5)
Time: 1:04:59
Pace: 10'23"/mile - 6'26"/km
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Up at 4:30, but slept well. Study of new ruku of Surah Baqara.
I was really expecting a weight dip this morning, but got another
increase instead. Patience, patience...
This feels like it should be a good running day. But once out,
I don't feel as good as I hoped, it's ok, but a little sluggish.
I once again try to patiently re-establish an effortless pace,
or training pace, and run by feeling only, visualising the whole
duration of the run and trying to keep effort and temperature
in control, while rehearsing the Qur'an. I contemplate adding
a 6th lap today, but reasonably stop after the 5th. The humid
heat is phenomenal these days, causing overabundant
perspiration (even while doing nothing!),
so to run much over an hour I should absolutely carry water.
Anyway, good run overall, a normal step on the way to
recovery.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 06/19/20 -- 55 Years
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:19
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8.08 Km (1.25M X 4; 2.02K X 4)
Pace: 9'51"/mile - 6'06"/km
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Weather: 27C; Humidity 100% (what does that even mean??)
Yesterday was my birthday. Contrary to this silly idea that
54 might be my last, I did make it to 55. Al'hamdoulillah!
The children have made exceptional preparations through the
night, I wake up to discover a lavishly decorated hall! Feeling
pretty good at dawn, I continue learning Surah Baqara,
then Sura Yaseen in Namaaz, and run till a
7:30 meeting. Similar, sustainable pace but a little faster, overwhelming
humid heat, but feeling generally ok, although patience to build back up.
Unfortunately, the back shoulder pain does not go away, not sure what to
do to heal it.
In the evening, we celebrate the birthday. The children once
again do everything - all, except Shahid, who has actually gone
missing. They have made some elaborate folding cards out of paper,
abundantly decorated, and Sofia has even managed to create some
sort of rack. They have gotten a Mango cake, and Ruksanna has
cooked chicken. Actually, me who doesn't care much about birthday's,
this is a good time.
Shahid having gone out poses the pressing question of how
to still protect us from the virus. This is actually the most
dangerous phase so far, as the epidemic continues to increase
in India (about 12,000 new cases per day), yet the country is
re-opening up. The French Consulate actually, in a rather funny
way, has sent a new missive advising to not listen to the
Indian authorities, and still stay confined as much as possible.
But how to enforce caution still after about two and a half months,
and as things are relaxing? There are rumours of the country going
into lockdown again, but unconfirmed, although we do hear from
Salaam Bhaia that Chennai is being shutdown again. Narendra Modi
is scheduled to address the nation on Sunday, we will see...
-- My 55th Birthday --
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 06/20/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:19
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8.08 Km (1.25M X 4; 2.02K X 4)
Pace: 10'03"/mile - 6'13"/km
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Weather: 27C - 32C; Humidity 82%
-- With a daily increase of over 15,000 new cases,
India passes the 4 Lakhs mark Covid cases, and
a death toll over 13,000 --
A repeat of yesterday, slightly slower. And still learning Surah
Baqara new ruku. Have slept very well, in many intervals, one
featuring being threatened by a huge crocodile!
Not sure if this is the right level of effort for this week,
back shoulder pain still bothersome, but not excessively so, and
the phenomenal humid heat hampering my come-back. Today plan to
run long (relatively), and definitely carry water!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 06/21/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 6 Laps
Time: 1:16:54
Mileage: 7.5 Miles - 12 Km (1.25M X 6; 2K X 6)
Pace: 10'15"/mile - 6'24"/km
Weather: 30C; Humidity 78%
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Three choices today:
1) Long'ish run outside - immediately discarded, for some reason,
not in the mood to venture outside for now.
2) Longer run inside Nahar -
3) Speed session, moderate intervals inside Nahar -
I opt to go out and will decide after a first warmup lap.
Again, after many wake-ups, but excellent ability to sleep back,
wake up around Adhaan time, and prayed again the last rukus of Surah
al-Isra. I feel pretty good, although the shoulder pain does not
leave me, and the humid heat continues to be stifling. Even as I just lay
down stretching, I can feel the sweat pearling all over my body!
Once out, relatively nice weather, intermittent clouds, fugitive
sunshine and even a quick shower. That said, as said earlier, it is
sauna like conditions, phenomenal amount of sweat. This time at least
I am carrying the water belt (finally!), for the first time this cycle.
After the first lap, I realize that I am not ready for speed work
yet, especially in this heat, and long slow miles should be more
appropriate. I have grown to like this tedious circuit, which in the
early morning hours is quiet and peaceful, just a few runners and walkers
or delivery boys, allowing my mind to focus on keeping the effort in
check, and focus on the Qur'anic Ayaat. I wouldn't call this run
completely comfortable, but I do manage to stay relaxed and keep
effort and overheating in control, fulfill my goal of running 6 laps
in relative comfort, my longest run so far since come-back. This
will also produce my biggest week by far, with over 4.5 hours of
running. Hope this sharp increase will not cause adverse effects,
it's definitely a lot more than the proverbial 10% increase!
-- Verses from Surah Baqara in a color version,
an idea that I will abandon in profit of the usual Black and White --
Am 'Hasibtoum (7.5 Miles) -- 06/28/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 06/23/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:59
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km (1.25M X 4; 2K X 4)
Pace: 10'11"/mile - 6'22"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 83%
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs
I wake up well after multiple wake-ups. I am tired though of the
heat and humidity, tired of this eternal sweat, coating the body
and smelling uncomfortably. Yesterday, after sitting so long in
front of work, I felt like glued to the chair...
This is a nondescript ordinary training run, with no particular
goal in mind. Yesterday's weight session seemed to have miraculously
cured the pain, but the discomfort returns immediately in running.
I take it at a comfortable pace, yet not as comfortable as I'd like
still, and actually I am slowing down. Patience.
Today is Sofia's first day back at school - at online school
that is.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 06/24/20 -- 1K Intervals
Warmup, Yarrow to Barberry & Bryony & Back: 0:14:35 [1.37M - 2.21K]
1K Intervals, Barberry to Bryony & return [0.62M - 1K]
Interval I: 5'17".36; Pace: 8'30"/mile - 5'17"/km
Interval II: 5'03".18; Pace: 8'03"/mile - 5'03"/km
Interval III: 5'21".41; Pace: 8'36"/mile - 5'21"/km
Interval IV: 5'07".30; Pace: 8'13"/mile - 5'07"/km
Overall Interval Time: 0:20:48
Overall Interval Mileage: 2.48 Miles - 4 Km
Overall Interval Pace: 8'22"/mile - 5'12"/km
Total Time: 0:35:23
Total Mileage: 3.85 Miles - 6.21 Km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 83%
Weight: 69.8 kg - 153.9 lbs (WTF!!!!??!!!?!!??)
Woke up at 4, after going to sleep "late" after 10 because of
work delivery (which actually delivered at 2am one day then
midnight yesterday!). I fear this morning's meeting...
On top of that, me who was expecting a weight drop after
careful nutrition yesterday, I step on
the scale to discover a big uptick. Incomprehensible!!
I feel a bit tired, gather my strength for Namaaz as best
I can, wonder how the run will be. I had decided to do my first
bona fide speed training today, after hesitation, stick with
that plan. After warmup on the usual course, here we go. This
is actually my first time running 1K intervals.
And I am happily surprised.
In spite of the tricky inclines, in spite of the oppressive
heat, and the weariness, I feel surprisingly good on the first
interval, even enjoying the faster pace(!). I try to maintain
this through the remaining intervals (the return is easier
being more downhill), and succeed at staying somewhat relaxed,
and at a relatively even effort. I am wearing the water belt
again, allowing me to drink during the breaks.
Overall, a successful session, and then the meeting actually
turns out better than expected, at least the lighting is getting
highly complimented.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 06/25/20 --
Weight: 69.8 kg - 153.9 lbs
So this is my new weight, eh? Absolutely incomprehensible!
I don't understand what's driving my weight up like this,
makes no sense at all.
I unfortunately woke up at 4:20, for once from a single episode
of sleep, and I feel like shit. I nevertheless gear up for running,
but renounce in the middle of stretching, to go back to bed - in vain!
Impossible to find rest. And beautiful clear weather is taunting me
outside, but too late. A most shitty start to the day, a morning
to forget.
------------------
Afternoon Session:
Home Gym: 0:39:40
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Abs - Shoulder Flies - Biceps - Squats
------------------
Similar to Monday, low weight, high reps.
Finally managed to sleep (with difficulty though) after lunch. Then
woke up with Adhaan for Namaaz (a good rendition of last rukus of
Surah al-Isra) and had the idea of treating this as a second wake-up,
as if the morning had been a false start. So into this mid-day gym
session, which actually works great. Feel better after all that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 06/26/20 -- Am 'Hasibtoum
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Time: 1:03:31
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km (1.25M X 5; 2K X 5)
Pace: 10'09"/mile - 6'21"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Woke up at 4:00, may have vaguely gone back into dream.
Get up around 4:30 feeling good, much better than yesterday.
With a clear mind, a successful
reading and Fajr ki Namaaz on this Jummah. I learn another
Aayat, which I'll repeat throughout the run, the Am
Hasibtoum verse.
I hear a heavy shower outside, will I regret having missed
yesterday's clear weather?
No, when I do go out, it is overcast, but no rain. I
intend to run relatively long today. I feel ok, but not
great, slightly disappointed that I'm still not finding
the mythical effortless pace; patience...
But all in all a good run, spent rehearsing Surah Baqarah,
and still trying to find my pace. Perhaps it's also this
unbelievably heavy weather that is hampering my recovery.
Patience.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 06/27/20 -- Short Tempo Run
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 2 Laps
Time: 0:21:43
Mileage: 2.5 Miles - 4 Km (1.25M X 2; 2K X 2)
Pace: 8'41"/mile - 5'25"/km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 83%
Weight: 69.4 kg - 153 lbs
Up at 4:30 but feeling good. Continue to learn Surah Baqarah, and
last rukus of Surah al-Isra in Namaaz.
Having already logged in many miles, I decide for a shorter
tempo run today, which I plan to run after a warm-up round. But
once out, my pace starts right away, and I discard the warmup,
going straight into the higher pace. I keep it down to two laps
though, not wanting to pile up excessive miles yet, (and still
planning for a long run tomorrow), judging that this effort is
enough. The 8'40" pace is challenging but ok for now, but to
think this would have felt very comfortable only a few months ago...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 06/28/20 -- Semi Long Run
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 6 Laps
Time: 1:15:40
Mileage: 7.5 Miles - 12 Km (1.25M X 6; 2K X 6)
Pace: 10'05"/mile - 6'18"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs (finally some result)
As planned, semi long run.
A little sore from yesterday, but overall, pretty good run.
Similar, very hot & humid, overabundant perspiration, but I am
carrying my water bottles, and try to keep everything in control.
I thought perhaps I would extend this a little, but wisely keep
to this distance, like last week, which appears sufficient.
I have also contemplated going outside outside, but still
don't feel ready for that, both in terms of fitness, but also as
the virus continues to flare up (18,000 new cases a day in India),
and unsure what people's reaction might be.
All along, I continue to rehearse the Am 'Hasibtoum verses,
which are coming along well.
Later in the morning, I hold to my promise, take Ruksanna
and three children for a walk in Aarey, the first time in three
months.
-- Promenade in Aarey --
Within a Clearing (8.75 Miles) -- 07/05/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 06/30/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Time: 0:35:40
Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6 Km
Pace: 9'30"/Mile - 5'56"/km
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
-- Daily cases in India steadily around 18,000 -
Movement restricted to a 2 km radius around the home --
As often, got up around 4:30, but feeling pretty well. The insomnia
seems to have disappeared again, and I am able to do frequent episodes
of sleep, including during the day. Feels good.
I push the pace slightly on this run, and actually, to my surprise,
end up with this good pace of 9'30"/mile, which would be great to reset
as my training pace for now.
After the run, I get alarmed by reading the Ladies Group
on Ruksanna's Whatsapp. There seems to be a considerable harshening
of the lockdown again, which forbids going out for anything non-essential,
and that too only by oneself, and threatens trespassers with heavy fines
and jail time. I later try to confirm this. It is only partially true.
The lockdown has indeed been strengthened. We are now allowed only
within a 2K radius of our home (other than for some essential duty),
and cars found venturing beyond that distance are impounded. The rest
however is exaggeration, based on some fake circular that has been
spreading on social media. Still, at about 18,000 new daily cases in
India, the situation continues to worsen. Our trip to Aarey on Sunday
was fortuitous, as that will no longer be possible, in fact, not even
sure whether we'll be able to go shopping at Haiko any more. As for
running outside, that is completely abandonned for another month.
I hope at least that my current running inside the society will continue
to be tolerated
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 07/01/20 -- 1K Intervals
Warmup, Yarrow to Barberry & Bryony & Back: 0:14:12 [1.37M - 2.21K]
1K Intervals, Barberry to Bryony & return [0.62M - 1K]
Interval I: 5'13".20; Pace: 8'23"/mile - 5'13"/km
Interval II: 5'00".35; Pace: 8'02"/mile - 5'00"/km
Interval III: 5'14".36; Pace: 8'25"/mile - 5'14"/km
Interval IV: 5'06".33; Pace: 8'12"/mile - 5'06"/km
Overall Interval Time: 0:20:33
Overall Interval Mileage: 2.48 Miles - 4 Km
Overall Interval Pace: 8'17"/mile - 5'08"/km
Total Time: 0:34:45
Total Mileage: 3.85 Miles - 6.21 Km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.9 kg - 151.9 lbs
For the second time, I try out 1K intervals within Nahar.
This ends up being a good session, slightly faster than last
time.
The perspective of a renewed lockdown is weighing things
down. In America, the situation appears particularly awful, very
volatile. Ruksanna, the confinement fueling those demons that
she can not escape, is not doing well. More and more, she sees
persecution in all but the smallest details of life, and spends
her days thinking about those, and how to undo them. I do my
best to stay at her side.
In the morning, I receive a congratulations message. I have
been invited into the Academy of Motion Pictures, a process started
months ago, which I had almost forgotten about in the midst of the
pandemic. This is a nice interlude in these troubled times, which
I try my best to explain to Ruksanna.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 07/02/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Time: 1:02:25
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Pace: 9'59"/mile - 6'14"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.7 kg - 151.4 lbs
-- Mumbai enters 100th day of lockdown - Strict curfew
imposed in Thane, Navi Mumbai ... --
Ruksanna has not slept through the night, struggling with her
thoughts. I have tried to explain to her yesterday my academy
membership, but she has only half understood, and largely stays
with her demons. Our love stays though, powerful through a long
series of adversity.
I myself woke up with her around 3am, somehow did manage
to vaguely dream till 4:30 (again), devoted myself to learning
Surah Baqarah and Namaaz. It is heavily raining outside, but
this soon stops. By the time I get out to run around 6am, it's
actually quite nice outside, a little fresher and pleasantly
windy. I squeeze this one hour run before a 7:30am meeting.
This is about as good as it's felt so far, close to what I
would expect out of a training run, this pace feeling quite
comfortable. I continue to advance on the Am Hasibtoum verses...
The situation continues to worsen though. News are confusing
as ever in India. Rumours continue to abound, but it actually
seems that, while neighboring townships are being placed under
strict curfew (Thane, Navi Mumbai, Dombivali...), we are still
under the 2Km radius rule. But it is unclear, and feels like
it could change at any moment.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 07/04/20 -- Within a Clearing
--------------------
Home Gym: 0:17:00
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Punches.
--------------------
Run, Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:28
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 9'53"/mile - 6'11"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
Up with morning Adhaan (around 4:40), continue with the new ruku of
Surah Baqarah, which I both revised and recite in Namaaz. Yesterday
evening, in an access of nostalgia, I've watched the 1982 France -
Allemagne Demie-Finale in its entirety ("La Nuit de Seville"),
for the first time since seeing it live that fateful day. The event
has entered my mind, transporting me back to those adolescent years,
and I have to put it somewhat aside for Namaaz.
I am very determined to run today. But it has been raining
since yesterday morning almost continuously, and I start to regret
yesterday's decision not to run. I almost fear looking
outside during stretching. When I finally do, to my great disappointement,
it is still raining! I stare outside for some time as if I could change
this, but reluctantly fall back on this gym session, the second in a row.
Still not completely resigned though, I peek regularly outside, and
after about 15 minutes, it looks like the rain has stopped. I decide
to go out without delay, interrupting the gym (this will turn out
to be a good decision).
It has indeed stopped, everything is still wet, but actually
quite pleasant, a little fresher than normal, and the habitual wind
from the North. I feel surprisingly good from the start, and decide
to let this play out, 3, 4 or 5 laps, depending on circumstances.
I do complete three laps in good comfort, still revising Surah Baqarah,
when the rain resumes, a drizzle at first, followed by a good steady
rain throughout the 4th lap, which does not abate. This is actually
rather pleasant, yielding a very good run
actually, again, getting closer to my sensations.
And shortly after the run, the rain doubles again in intensity,
battering through the morning. My timing could not have been better.
Hoping for a similar clearing tomorrow morning for a longer run
Insh'Allah.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 07/05/20 -- Within a Clearing (Crescendo)
--------------------
Home Gym: 0:29:30
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Ankle Weights -
Prone Row - Seated Biceps - Punches.
--------------------
Run, Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 7 Laps
Time: 1:28:46
Mileage: 8.75 Miles - 14 Km (actually slightly more...)
Pace: 10'08"/mile - 6'20"/km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
This is essentially the same as yesterday, but turned up a few
notches in all aspects.
Yesterday, it has rained heavily without discontinuation, a dark
foreboding mood that multiplies the weight of the lockdown. For
some reason, I have woken up every hour last night, fortunately
able to fall back asleep, till getting up at 4:30, hopeful that the
morning will be finally clear. But definitely not, today at dawn,
no room for hope, it
is again raining with rage, the battering sound from outside
unmistakable. I control my disappointment by learning the Qur'an,
revising the first verses of Surah al-Isra which have completely
escaped my mind. I then reluctantly embark on the same gym
session as yesterday, occasionally peeking out the window,
but today seems much worse.
And yet the rain does abate somewhat. At least, the violent
wind, the shower like precipitation are gone, leaving way for
a steady ligther rain. Very obstinate, hoping to repeat yesterday's
feat, I again decide to abandon the gym to venture out, after
an abridged stretching session.
This time, I start under a steady rain, but not excessive,
and even though the ground is drenched, this feels runnable, perhaps
even pleasant. The guards watch me go by like every morning, maybe
thinking I am madder than ever. I feel quite good actually, perhaps
warmed up by the prior gym session. The run continues under steady
rain, very relaxed, calmly rehearsing Surah Baqarah. Again like
yesterday, the rain picks up during the 4th lap, in this case a
sudden torrential assault which causes me to stop a couple times,
taking shelter in the garage. But luckily this is short-lived, and
the steady rain continues, after hesitation, I decide to continue
the run until the next outburst, still hoping to meet my goal of
7 laps today.
And this is what I do. I actually feel relaxed in the rain,
finding sensations of a long run, enjoying the near solitude
of the effort, in my world, although there is a single other runner,
and sporadic walkers. I complete the run in full control, very
satisfied with this, and happy that my stubborness has once again
prevailed no matter what, producing my longest run since resuming.
This concludes a big running week, about 4h30 of running and
total 6h00 counting the gym, and my weight brought in range.
And again like yesterday, shortly after the completion of the run,
the rain doubles up again, with an impressive stormy assault,
battering us in repeated blows for the last three days! This
deluge would have been completely un-runnable. After its wrath,
under a lighter rain, we do go to Haiko like every week, nearly
empty in this weather, a 3Km trip, but no-one stops us, as I
had predicted.
-- Surah Baqarah, "Am Hasibtoum" Ruku --
Five Days Five Miles (5 Miles) -- 07/12/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 07/07/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:34
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 km
Pace: 10'06"/mile - 6'19"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
I am slowly gaining back control of Namaaz, particularly
in the morning. I do not want to slide back, although some
of that has been inevitable since Ramzaan, and with the
increase of work. I do struggle with Ishaa ki Namaaz, which,
at 8:45, feels too late for me (!). But Fajr and Dhuhr are
increasing in quality. Even though I continue to rehearse
at wake-up the surge of passages I've learned recently, I
am contemplating embarking on my 11th reading of The Book.
Woke up before 4am, not sure if I slept again or not,
up around 4:30. A mediocre run, perhaps recovering from
Sunday's long run, feeling heavy and somewhat unmotivated,
but relax somewhat while rehearsing Surah Baqara. This
50 minute duration seems like a good standard training
length.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 07/08/20 --
Warmup: 0:20:24 [To Barberry and back, to Bryony (2M - 3.22K)]
Tempo Run: 0:28:22
Tempo Mileage: 3.1 Miles - 5 Km
Tempo Pace: 9'09"/mile - 5'40"/km
Total Time: 0:48:46
Total Mileage: 5.1 Miles - 8.22 Km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
Excellent multiple episodes of sleep. It's been some time
that I have not had to combat insomnia now. I continue
to refocus strongly on Namaaz, particularly unsatisfied
with yesterday's relative idleness. Today will be different!
I had planned on a tempo run today, and this is what I do.
I feel I'm doing pretty well, in spite of a brief but violent
rain shower, but later, my pace disappoints. I did not imagine
I would clock over 9'00" miles. Oh well, this is perhaps
understandable, and leaves room for improvement.
Not forget the course is not flat. And the sweltering humidity.
As Jean-Michel Larqué would have said, le terrain
n'était pas favorable...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 07/09/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:11
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 km
Pace: 9'50"/mile - 6'08"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
Woke up at 4:30, for once after a single episode of sleep, which usually does not work well for me. I feel a bit tired, nevertheless commit myself to study and Namaaz. I fear the run will be sub-par like yesterday, this being a receding week, paying for the greedy efforts of last week it seems. But once out, I actually feel relatively good, relax into an acceptable pace and comfort, this in spite of the habitual pressure cooker humidity. Once again, it starts raining during the 3rd and 4th lap. Perhaps, rather than mere coincidence, this is the effect of the rising sun on the clouds?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 07/10/20 --
Home Gym: 1:08:00
Sequence: Abs - Ankle Weights - Dumbbell Press - Prone Row -
Biceps - Shoulder flies & back.
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
11th Reading Surah Baqarah till v 40
Deep episodes of sleep, in fact, struggle to emerge from an
erotic dream involving a group of three Korean women(What!??!!!).
On this Jummah, I start the 11th reading of the Qur'an,
followed by a good rendition of Surah Yaseen in Namaaz, continuing to
get back on track after a relative lapse after Ramadhan.
Deliberate day off running. Weight session low weight high reps.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 07/11/20 -- Florence
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:32
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 km
Pace: 10'06"/mile - 6'19"/km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68.5 kg - 151 lbs
11th Reading Surah Baqarah till v 122
Up at 4:30, after multiple episodes of sleep, and an episodic
dream about Florence Girod which I struggle to extract myself
from, plunging in it again one sleep after the other, demonstrating
how that love story from my early 20s has marked me. I nevertheless
get up at 4:30 to return to reality, focusing on reading further
into Surah Baqarah and al-Isra in Namaaz.
In spite of yesterday's rest day, and nicer weather this morning,
this is another mediocre run.
I am clearly paying last week's efforts. It's one thing to not
follow the 10% rule strictly, but clearly, I've overdone it this
time, and the extra load has actually set me back. Today too, in
spite of an encouraging start, and timid sunshine (although it is
still sweltering heat), I soon find myself short of breath. Oh
well, will patiently wait for things to look up again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 07/12/20 -- Semi Tempo Run
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:47:32
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 km
Pace: 9'30"/mile - 5'56"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.5 kg - 151 lbs
Surah Baqarah till v 164
Again up at 4:30 which seems to be the norm these days. Yesterday,
I forcefully disconnected all computers and phones around 8pm in
a gesture of complete rejection (in the middle of a meeting), but
unfortunately fell deep asleep instead of praying Ishaa ki Namaaz.
This morning, I catch up in a complete rendition of Surah Waqi'ah
over two rakhats, a heartfelt rendition, following Surah Baqarah.
Intermittent rain. I had planned on a second Tempo Run perhaps
for today, go out with a wait and see attitude. Feeling
rather good in the warmup round, I decide to pick up the pace
(but with no stop) for the rest of the run, however far that
might be. Intermittent showers, but overall ok. This feels
like a reasonable effort, but still, keeping with the theme
of this week, I can't say that I feel that good, and stop
after 4 laps, like every day this week, as the rain doubles
in intensity.
And again, after the run, my pace disappoints. This has
been a step backward week. Oh well, such is life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The situation is not good, and increasingly unclear.
The lockdown has been extended again, but what lockdown,
what exactly is permitted? Impossible to understand.
India by now places 3rd in number of cases, while in the
US, a distant 1st, the epidemic spreads like a wildfire,
although so far fatalities are relatively few.
But perhaps the most striking news for India is this:
Amitabh Bachchan, a living legend here, and his son Abhishek,
have been diagnosed with Covid-19.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"... And seek help in patience and As-Salaat,
and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for
Al-Khashi'un.
Those who are certain that they are going to meet
their Lord, and that unto Him they will return ..."
(Surah Baqara [2] v. 45)
Horrible Nights (6.25 Miles) -- 07/19/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 07/13/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Time: 1:03:17
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Pace: 10'07"/mile - 6'19"/km
Weight: 69 kg - 152.1 lbs (Why?)
Weather: 27C; Humidity 100%
-- In spite of Florida announcing 15,000 new cases in a day
(a new US record), Disney World has re-opened over the weekend --
Surah Baqarah till v 211 -- Should I learn from v 204?
Ruksanna hasn't slept at all last night, still caught
in incomprehensible dealings with her Whatsapp status, through
which she seems to be waging a war with her relatives. Me,
it's almost the opposite, have slept multiple times through the
night, and get up unusually late around 5:20. After Namaaz, I
try once again to scold her over her obsession with Whatsapp,
which seems to eat her mind further, propose to shut down her
status if I at all can.
Not feeling very good, I counter-intuitively decide to
run long (normally I would not run at all on a Monday). This
actually works out ok, at a comfortable pace, still rehearsing
Surah Baqarah, and through intermittent rain, feel better than
expected.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 07/14/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Time: 0:35:34
Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6 Km
Pace: 9'29"/mile - 5'55"/km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 69kg - 152.1
11th reading Surah Baqarah till v 267.
4am. Ruksanna also up. Yesterday Whatsapp. Shorter, faster,
training pace exactly what I'd like to be.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 07/15/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:57
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 9'59"/mile - 6'14"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 69.3 kg - 152.8 lbs (Why!? Why!? Why!? Why!?)
11th reading Surah Ali-imraan till v 42
Up at 4, disturbing trend. Steady rain throughout.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 07/17/20 -- 1.25 Mile Intervals
Warmup, Yarrow to Bryony, to Barberry: 0:13:52
Intervals, Barberry to Bryony & Back (1.25M - 2K)
Interval I: 10'33".56 - Pace: 8'26"/mile - 5'16"/km
Interval II: 10'32".87 - Pace: 8'26"/mile - 5'16"/km
Overall Interval Time: 0:21:06
Overall Interval Mileage: 2.5 Miles - 4 Km
Overall Interval Pace: 8'26"/mile - 5'16"/km
Cooldown, back to Yarrow: 0:01:10
Warmup / Cooldown Mileage: 1.5 Miles - 2.42 Km
Total Time: 0:36:08
Total Mileage: 4 Miles - 6.42 Km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 68.8 kg - 151.7 lbs
-- India surpasses 1 Million (10 Lakhs) cases -
US new single-day record of 75,000 new cases -
Bangalore has been put again on strict lockdown --
11th reading Surah Ali-imraan till v 172
Another bad night. This time it's me. Sweat, barking
dog. Must have fallen asleep, up at 4:20, actually feeling
remarkably good.
Rare dispute. The worst it's been. Losing our minds.
Too intimate to tell. Fails again. She renounces. I finally
go as planned, without stretching.
No rain, although very wet, a little cooler. Decide
for 2K intervals. It is late, 7am. Feels ok actually,
reasonable effort for this point. The two intervals are
remarkably consistent, but I don't do a 3rd, probably
just as well.
Will she have objected? She greets me with a smile,
insists on hugging in spite of overabundant sweat.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 07/18/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:13
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 10'02"/mile - 6'16"/km
Weight: 69.2 kg - 152.5 lbs (uncontrolable)
Weather: 27C; Humidity 100%
11th Reading Surah Nisaah till v 11
To bed around 11 due to delivery. Ruksanna again terrible
insomnia. Wakes me up at 2:30. I try to put her back to sleep.
Then waken up at 4:20, fatefully, by a bad burning mosquito
bite in the hand. Get up. Delivery still happening!
Like the other day, tired, and my weight is simply baffling!!
Aggressively dieting, I was expecting a weight drop today, instead,
it continues to creep back up, thwarting my best efforts. Incomprehensible,
and not sure what more I can do (other than persist). Is this still
an after-effect of Ramadhan? Or an effect of confinement? Or old age?
It evades my control.
I thought she would sleep but no she gets up too. After
all this a 7am start. No rain today (grounds still wet though),
but this is a somewhat mediocre run. I had planned to run past
an hour, but this is enough.
Finally, we sleep. Till 10:30, never seen!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 07/19/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Time: 1:02:20
Pace: 9'58"/mile - 6'14"/km
Weather: 29C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68.4 kg - 150.8 lbs
No Qur'an reading this morning.
Feared the night. And as predicted, as I have just fallen
asleep that she wakes me up. And then again at 2:30, like on the
previous nights, as she is yet again completely unable to sleep.
I can't help but rebel at this torture.
Somehow I did fall back asleep till 5:20, not feeling well.
She too is up, after having foiled my sleep, she hinders my
awakening, blocking me from the isolation of the Namaaz ka Kamra
and the Qur'an reading. But I realize I do have to be at her side,
firm yet compassionate. How to get ourselves out of this situation?
I do break from her for Namaaz, Surah Yaseen in full, and adamantly
resist her to pursue my running goal for today. I am in bad shape,
but I will not be deterred. This time, finally, through persistence
in dieting, I have reached a better weight at least, minor consolation.
It looked like a clear morning, but I find a surprise rain
shower as I come out. Again undeterred, I proceed with the run,
today planning for a 12 Km moderate course. This proceeds
relatively well under the circumstances, and the brief shower
turns into a timid intermittent sunshine. I keep the effort
deliberately low, but cannot avoid the effect of sleep deprivation,
a sort of weariness that encumbers my mind more than anything,
and as I am weakening after 5 laps, or 10 Kms, I decide to call
it enough. This is still honorable, especially under the
circumstances, and more might actually be detrimental. As it turns
out, I meet her in front of the building, after much hesitation
heeding my advice she has gone for a walk.
After coming back, cooling down and a second small breakfast,
I invite her to the bed. I think she finally found sleep in my
arms, and we wake up again around 10. But this is not sustainable.
I will not be able to work in these conditions. We discuss possible
actions, doctor, psychologist, Hazrat...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"... or think that you may enter Paradise without such trials
as came to those who passed before you?
They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments,
and were so shaken that even the Messenger
and those who believed with him said
"When will come the help of Allah?"
Yes certainly, the help of Allah is near ..."
(Surah Baqara [2] v. 214)
-- Slum on the Hill, as seen from within Nahar --
Crisis and Appeasement (7.5 Miles) -- 07/26/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday 07/20/20 -- Les premisces de la folie
Weight: 67.8 kg - 149.5 lbs
It started yesterday.
We went to Haiko in a Rickshaw. Her behavior felt slightly
odd, in small details, but perhaps this could be explained?
Once home, as the door has stayed open,
she insists on closing it herself, scrutinizes intently outside
for some time, turns back to me, "koi nahi hai". I stay
there paralyzed for some time, a terrible synching feeling settling
in. I am scared I tell her unable to articulate much.
She wakes me up again in the night, now leaving no doubt as to her
state. She addresses me in Urdu, in a different voice, as if she was
talking to someone else. The sight of an auto-rickshaw parked under
our building earlier has impressed her, she keeps asking me why I
have shown it to her. We have shifted into a new reality.
She may have slept a little in the morning. I desperately
try to find a doctor in spite of the lockdown,
eventually make an appointment for tomorrow.
After an atrocious night and morning access of near dementia, which
I seem to calm through reciting her Namaaz and Surah Yaseen,
she finally falls asleep. I seize the opportunity, putting
Shazia at her watch, to go out for this run (I have called
Nazia & Shazia back at home since yesterday). Under the
crisis circumstances, I feel strangely good on the run,
which starts in nice weather (although particularly humid)
but gradually darkens, to finally break into a strong shower
on the last lap. I take it as a sign that I need to come
home, it's already miraculous that I've been able to run
at all. I have instructed Shazia that, should something
happen, she should send someone to find me, but no-one
has appeared. When I ring at the door, it's Ruksanna
who opens. She looks better than before.
"What is happening to me?" she asks, as if more lucid.
Later, we finally meet the doctor, unfortunately on a video
call. After the call, Ruksanna has a terrible panic attack,
and I fear that I will lose her. I do manage to calm her down,
and eventually go out to get the medicine. This proves very
hard, I walk from one pharmacy to the other till Lake Homes
unsuccessful, very worried to leave Ruksanna at home, but we
cannot endure another night like this, I need to start
the treatment. I call her as I board
a Rickshaw to Hiranandani Hospital, she appears more calm. I
do find most davai there (except one), and when I return home,
she feels almost back to her self, in fact, even before taking
the medicine, she has started sleeping peacefully at last.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 07/22/20 -- Apaisement
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:56
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 10'11"/mile - 6'22"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 67.5 kg - 148.8 lbs
11th reading Surah Nisaah till v 105
Dry for once.
She has slept! But this unusual calm has almost perturbed my sleep!
To the point where I get up to pray Tahajjud ki Namaaz. Even though
things feel a lot better, I wonder if she'll suddenly appear at the
door, wide-eyed and unkempt, like a horror film! I somewhat laugh
at the silly vision. She is still sleeping like a log, almost
motionless.
Leaving Ruksanna to the care of Shazia, I go out for this run.
When I return, she still has not woken up. I end up asking the doctor,
who says to wake her around 11 / 12. She sometimes murmurs somewhat
incoherently, but the doctor has instruced me not to worry, as she
may appear very drowsy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 07/23/20 -- Convalescence
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 6 Laps
Mileage: 7.5 Miles - 14 Km
Estimated Time (record lost): 1:16:00
Estimated Pace: 10'08"/mile
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 67.7 kg - 149.2 lbs
11th reading Surah Nisaah till v 153
Steady rain at the start, gradually clearing to timid sunshine.
Cap, which I eventually remove to carry in hand.
Feel strangely good, go for a semi long run.
Same, have put the house under the guard of Shazia.
I am actually so absorbed telling in my imagination our whole story to the
doctor that the miles go by almost unheeded.
Ruksanna still asleep when I come back, but will wake up around
9:00 as I am video-talking to Madeleine and Terra.
She sleeps less today, and in the late afternoon, appears almost normal.
Hope returns.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 07/24/20 --
Home Gym: 1:04:23
Sequence: Dumbbell Press - Abs - Ankle Weights -
Dumbbell Shoulders - Prone Rows - Punches.
Weight: 67.8 kg - 149.5 lbs
11th reading Surah Maidah till v 20. Surah Yaseen in Namaaz,
a poignant rendition largely on the vision of "I could have lost her".
Yesterday afternoon, Ruksanna was going much much better, almost
to her normal self, although tears are not far if evoking certain
thoughts, like memory of her parents. She slept much less, and we
ended the day on the balcony to a very orange sunset (which has
turned all the inside lights in the windows saturated blue).
It's like we've rolled back a few weeks, which brings its own
heaviness, right back to where the problems all
started, and it's all still there, with no end in sight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 07/25/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Time: 1:04:32
Pace: 10'19"/mile - 6'27"/km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 83%
Weight: 68.1 kg - 150.1 lbs (Perfect weight!)
11th reading Surah Maidah till v 51
Get up at 5. She hasn't moved. Qur'an reading followed by
Namaaz, followed by stretching at her side, careful not to wake
her up. It is a dry day outside, much milder actually, high clouds
thinly veiling the rising sunlight, almost pleasant weather. As
usual not carrying water bottles, which I've abandonned for over
a week now. But I feel very tired and awkward at first. This sleepy
mood continues, in fact, I often run eyes half closed as if still
sleeping, and gently let the rhythm wake me up. At this easy pace,
this is actually quite pleasant, and I end up rehearsing recent
verses of the Qur'an several times on the run, as my mind gently
opens up to the morning.
She is still asleep when I return, all is silent. She wakes
up around 8:30 as I am stretching again, but resisting my offer
of food or activity, she goes back to rest.
RUksanna yesterday feeling "out", a long idle day, intercut
with quick reviews of Ghee which has to go out today. I am so
overwhelmed by her state that I cry as she has invited to rest
my head on her lap. In this state, she displays little emotion,
distant, as if withdrawn from life. I can hardly bear it, and yet
muster whatever courage I can.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 07/26/20 -- 1 Km Intervals
Warmup, Yarrow to Bryony, to Barberry: 0:14:04
1K Intervals, Barberry to Bryony & return [0.62M - 1K]
Interval I: 5'17".20; Pace: 8'30"/mile - 5'17"/km
Interval II: 5'09".66; Pace: 8'17"/mile - 5'09"/km
Interval III: 5'22".53; Pace: 8'38"/mile - 5'22"/km
Interval IV: 5'05".53; Pace: 8'10"/mile - 5'05"/km
Interval V: 5'20".18; Pace: 8'34"/mile - 5'20"/km
Interval VI: 5'10".48; Pace: 8'18"/mile - 5'10"/km
Overall Interval Time: 0:31:23
Overall Interval Mileage: 3.72 Miles - 6 Km
Overall Interval Pace: 8'24"/mile - 5'13"/km
Cooldown, Barberry, to Bryony, to Yarrow: 0:11:21
Warmup / Cooldown Mileage: 2.5 Miles - 4 Km
Total Time: 0:56:48
Total Mileage: 6.22 Miles - 10 Km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68.3 kg - 150.5 lbs
11th reading Surah Maidah till v 87
After reading and Namaaz, and stretching at her side, (she is
still sleeping nearly motionless), I pursue my idea of an interval
session. It is generally dry today. I have again not taken any water,
a questionable decision perhaps, but I feel more comfortable without
the damn belt. I push a reasonable effort, and achieve a longer
session this time, as usual trying to achieve the ever challening
relaxation under stress so essential to running.
When I come back, she is still fast asleep.
Later: She is over-active, almost too much actually.
I had planned to take her outside, in the afternoon, we do go out
to Haiko, just like last week. But once outside, with great dismay
I see that she is starting to feel "off" again, and try to retreat
back home, which she refuses. We first stop in Hiranandani where
I finally find the missing medication, then at Haiko, where
alhamdoulillah nothing too bad happens. I fear that this outing may trigger
another crisis tonight, but no, once back home, she appears calm.
I am overwhelmed again by poignant emotion as I see her returning
to herself in glimpses, the memories of our journey, I could lose her,
I could lose her, I could lose her.
"... Our Lord, put not on us a burden greater than
we have strength to bear ..."
(Surah Baqara [2] v. 286)
Convalescence (9.45 Miles) -- 08/02/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 07/28/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:49:46
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 9'57"/mile - 6'13"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 68.3 kg - 150.5 lbs
11th reading Surah An'aam till v 71
I have slept profoundly last night, although woke up around 2:30
to finish reading the debacle of Napoleon's Russian Campaign in
"Memoires d'Outre-Tombe". Don't know how Ruksanna has slept,
but she is fast asleep now.
Nondescript somewhat mediocre run, a bit tired and stiff,
but not horrible (in spite of which my pace is actually ok).
Started under strong rain, clearing.
Yesterday was an excellent day, our best so far.
Ruksanna felt a lot better, back to herself. In the morning,
she takes out all these photos that I used to distribute in Kadugodi,
of her and the children. I fear that those memories could precipitate
another relapse, but no, not at all, we spend a long time together
contemplating and remembering. In the afternoon, we speak to Dr Sangle
who very satisfied with progress will now see us on Thursday. As
Ruksanna asks her what has happened to her, she responds with
depression, a word that Ruksanna understands, and convinces
her to continue to take the medication.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 07/29/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Time: 1:03:13
Pace: 10'06"/mile - 6'19"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 67.5 kg - 151 lbs (gradually creeping up!)
11th reading Surah An'aam till v 122.
On a whim, learned the first few verses of Surah ar-Rahman, whose
beautiful poetry might help us through this period.
A great low intensity run, how a training run should be.
Relaxed enough that I consider a 6th lap, but wisely
back off.
Continued improvement in Ruksanna's condition. Have
started partially working again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 07/30/20 -- Tempo Run
Warmup: 0:13:01 [1.25 Miles - 2 Km]
Tempo Run: Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Tempo Time: 0:33:14 [Splits: 11'11" - 22'22" - 33'14"]
Tempo Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6 Km
Tempo Pace: 8'51"/mile - 5'32"/km
Total Time: 0:46:15
Total Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs (the perfect weight!)
-- US passes 150,000 coronavirus deaths --
11th reading Surah An'aam till end.
Yesterday Dr Sangle Conversation. Depression "out of hand".
Long term medication. Impressed that given her past she has
managed to live so far.
Dry. Pretty good run. Keep effort in control, happy with
2 perfectly even splits, concluded by a faster one.
Ruksanna sleeps till 9:30.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 07/31/20 -- REST
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah A'raaf till v 48
Woke up at 4, unable to sleep, get up shortly before 5, reading,
then long Surah Yaseen Namaaz, overcome by doubt and sadness,
particularly in regards to her treatment (I worry over the
amount of medication). She peaks her head in the room during
Namaaz, after which I go lay at her side (today was very tentative
to run anyway) and thankfully, after crying softly at her side, fall
briefly asleep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 08/01/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 4 Laps
Time: 0:50:10
Mileage: 5 Miles - 8 Km
Pace: 10'02"/mile - 6'16"/km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah A'raaf till v 88
Dry weather, but somewhat mediocre run. Was perhaps going to
run 10K, but cut it at 8, leaving a longer run potentially for
tomorrow. Today is Eid...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 08/02/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony 7 Laps [8.75M - 14K]
+ 1 Lap through Podium [0.7M - 1.13K]
Time: 1:34:40
Mileage: 9.45 Miles - 15.13 Km
Pace: 10'01"/mile - 6'15"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah Anfal till v 45
Yesterday, Eid. Ruksanna has cooked Biryani. We have
gone out to Hiranandani to get re-supply her medication.
I have to argue forcefully as they are reluctant to give
it to me, requiring another prescription. But I do not
yield, and eventually prevail. Worried on the effect this
might have on her, I try to joke about it, "look, tumhare
lye main kuch bhi kar sakta, jhagda bhi kar sakta". She
feels almost herself outside, although reluctant to stay out
too long (I was trying to take her to Galleria), and some
oddities remain. Like last week, she refuses to go up the
small incline to the car, I urge her to stay right there
while I bring the car. When I return, my heart falters,
she has disappeared!! Luckily, I soon see her having walked
a little down the street, for no apparent reason. Once back
home, helped by the children, she cooks a marvelous biryani
(for some reason she has resumed cooking through this phase),
and we eat around 4, delicious, but causes me to fall deeply
asleep. In an encouraging sign, she's the one who asks me
for the medication before going to bed.
But later, she struggles to sleep again. I propose the
SOS tablet which again she immediately accepts, after
some time, I succesfully put her to sleep. I myself wake up
several times, checking on her sleep, and eventually get up
around 5, relatively late. After reading (I have read most
of Surah A'raaf yesterday) and a heartfelt Namaaz (I feel
I am preparing myself again for anything), I embark
on this potential long run, for once carrying the water
belt again.
It is mostly dry, occasional light drizzle and some wind.
Unlike yesterday, I feel good from the start. Learning Surah
Rah'maan, I maintain a healthy comfortable pace, quite regular,
right around the 10'00"/mile which seems appropriate for now,
and manage the effort quite well. I do fulfill my goal of
running about 1h30 for the first time in this training cycle
(and this is also my 1st week clocking over 5 hours of running).
When I return, she has just woken up.
-- Ruksanna's birthday --
40th Birthday (7.5 Miles) -- 08/08/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday 08/04/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Time: 0:35:28
Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6 Km
Pace: 9'27"/mile - 5'54"/km
Weather: 25C; Humidity 100%
Weather: 68.3 kg - 150.6 lbs
11th reading Surah Taubah till v 43
A dreadful dream at first (or was that the night before) early
in the night, again, those tend to be haunted, this time I offer
myself willingly to a witch, who herself questions my choice - or
something like that. Ruksanna is sleeping soundly, after having
protested again to take her medication last night.
Wake up again at 3:00, panicked somewhat that I may not be
able to sleep back, assaulted by stupid work things, read further
in the the Mémoires to l'Ile d'Elbe, then with only
one hour to go miraculously push my mind into a running dream, and
wake up before five feeling wonderful!!
But it is raining heavily outside, questioning my running plans.
I don't have much time (7:30 meeting), but after peeking out many times
decide to go for it, wearing my rainy day Mariners cap. Indeed, heavy
rain throughout, but not a storm. Incredibly, all this energizes me
greatly, and I hit a seemingly strong pace from the start, feeling
an excellent stride. On the far end of the property, a river of brown
water is gushing through from Shangarsh Nagar.
I finish the run at that same energized pace, although my
pace disappoints me slightly, I felt I was running faster than this.
All in all though, a great run.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday 08/05/20 --
Home Gym: 0:50:00
Sequence: Abs - Ankle Weights - Dumbbell Press -
Shoulder flies - Standing biceps - Shoulder back.
Weight: 68.2 kg - 150.3 lbs
11th reading Surah Tauba till v 81
Another terrible insomnia for me, worst than yesterday.
Wake up around 2:00, from there unable to sleep. I know these
come in waves, try hard not to yield to panic. Partially, it's
some stupid meetings tomorrow which worry me disproportionately,
I feel I've become much too vulnerable to these, and at night,
things invariably feel exaggeratedly dark. Plus, the fan has
started a regular "hitting" sound that comes and go, pulling
me out of my efforts to disconnect from the senses. Eventually,
I turn it off in favor of the AC, but fumble in looking for
a thicker bedsheet. This eventually wakes up Ruksanna, which
is exactly what I was trying to avoid. She does help soothe me
though, and eventually, my mind yields to my efforts of the mind,
I find sleep, and wake up feeling miraculously good around 5:30.
The Toufaan is still raging outside since yesterday. That,
and the fact that I don't have much time till the 8am meeting
that has been keeping me awake, makes me cancel all running plans,
opting for a gym session instead. Good decision, the storm
seems to double again in intensity, and some partial rest this
week might actually make me stronger. I feel surprisingly good
after all this.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday 08/06/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 5 Laps
Mileage: 6.25 Miles - 10 Km
Time: 1:02:54
Pace: 10'03"/mile - 6'17"/km
Weather: 26C; Humidity 100%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah Yunus till v 41
Another terrible insomnia for me, actually in crescendo
over the last 3 nights. Strangely, I had fallen asleep when
Ruksanna wakes me up for no apparent reason but to put me to
sleep! While
she dozes off immediately after that, I am uncomfortably unable
to sleep again for over three hours, trying to control panic,
struggling again between the noisy fan and the AC. Several
disputes happened yesterday between the children which I did
my best to control, but I fear they might perturb Ruksanna
again - but no, she sleeps peacefully, while I'm the one
who cannot. I try to read several times, reaching as it
were Chateaubriand's account of the the battle of Waterloo.
Eventually, I get up for Tahajjud ki Namaaz,
a good recitation on the strength of which I am finally
able to push myself into dreams, and to sleep. I wake up
around 5am, again feeling very good in the morning, a sort
small miracle.
Qur'an reading and Namaaz, stretching. I am very determined
to run but a strong rain is still battering the landscape, continuing
the torrential storm that has ravaged us the last couple days. I am
not to be intimidated though, and adamantly pursuing my idea,
I venture out no matter what.
Strong steady rain
and occasional gusts of wind, but nothing like the
daunting Maelstrom that hit us yesterday, breaking trees and
structures and flooding parts of the city! Armed with my
Mariner's cap, I manage a good run under the elements,
and in spite of increasing rain intensity, complete a 10K
run, encouraged actually by the surprise presence of
one of the other usual runners.
Very happy with having completed this, and feeling
like another small miracle to overcome this dreadful bout of insomnia.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday 08/06/20 --
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 3 Laps
Time: 0:37:54
Mileage: 3.75 Miles - 6 Km
Pace: 10'06"/mile - 6'19"/km
Weather: 27C; Humidity 94%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah Yunus till v 93
Slept better, but woke up at 4, and actually got up feeling
more tired. Nevertheless a good reading of Surah Yunus followed
by an exceptional recitation of Surah Yaseen in Namaaz, one that
agitates the body.
I proceed with my running plan, hoping to reproduce yesterday's
10K. But once out, I immediately realize it's a completely different
picture today. I feel tired, almost dizzy, perhaps haven't eaten
enough, and things do not improve in time. It's yet another rainy
day, with occasional strong gusts, which is starting to wear me
down, I yearn for a clear morning. As things do not improve, I
cut this half misery short after 3 laps - right decision. All I've
succeeded doing is drenching my shoes again, which were not even
yet dry from yesterday's run!
Once home, after my usual 2nd breakfast, I thankfully manage
to sleep, for a good half hour, from which I struggle to emerge.
But then, I realize Ruksanna is gone!!
I ask Sofia, who says she has gone to D-Mart. I call her phone,
it rings on the table where she has left it! Starting to panic, I
wake up Shazia to rush after her, which she does immediately. In this
agitation, I take my first meeting, my eyes not leaving the phone,
which remains silent. The meeting ends and Shazia still hasn't found
her, I instruct her to enter the store, then cancelling all further meetings,
armed with an umbrella, rush out myself, fear gaining on me.
I reach D-Mart and call again. Struggling to hear, I eventually
realize that they have found each other, and will soon come out.
I stay standing in the street, now unable to stop weeping at the incident,
hiding my tears under the umbrella. They finally come out, Ruksanna
is apologetic, without pressing the point too hard, I ask her to
never go out like that again. We feel our love.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday 08/08/20 -- Birthday
Yarrow, Barberry to Bryony - 6 Laps
Mileage: 7.5 Miles - 14 Km
Time: 1:16:38
Pace: 10'13"/mile - 6'23"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah Hud till v 25
A better night sleep, after multiple wake-ups, get up around
4:30, feeling good. I'm hoping for a dry morning, but just then
hear another violent shower outside. Once out though, the ground
is still drenched, but no rain, and I settle into a fine pace,
aiming for a little peaceful distance, exactly what I was trying
to achieve yesterday. A strong shower hits me, as usual on the
3rd lap(!), but thankfully brief, and the run is peaceful and
successful.
Once done, I pick up a few Frangipani flowers for Ruksanna's
birthday, who is still asleep when I return.
-- Ruksanna's birthday --
Outside! (8.9 Miles) -- 08/09/20
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday 08/09/20 -- Outside!
Yarrow to Barberry, back & out - Rambagh - Lake Powai Platform -
Promenade - IIT - To Eastern Express Highway - Back same way.
Time: 1:29:13
Mileage: 8.9 miles - 14.32 Km
Pace: 10'01"/mile - 6'13"/km
Weather: 28C; Humidity 88%
Weight: 68 kg - 149.9 lbs
11th reading Surah Hud till v 69.
Multiple wake-ups, headache. Yesterday, Ruskanna's birthday,
decorations by the children, we celebrate, as well as 88's
4th anniversary, where Milind calls out her birthday
several times. The celebration is happy given all that
has happened.
I eventually get up before 5, not feeling great. Was it
a mistake to run this long yesterday? A regrettable drop
in devotion, in fact, I skipped Ishaa ki Namaaz last night,
feeling weary. Ruksanna calls me from the bed,
furthering my disarray at seeing my precious solitary hours go.
But after Namaaz, she has fallen back
asleep, and I proceed obstinately with my plan, stretching
silently at her side while learning Surah Rahman. I reach
the first instance of the "... which of Allah's favors
do you deny... leitmotiv.
A great matter of hesitation: Will I go out today?
Not feeling well, I flip-flop many times, preferring
perhaps the tedious comfort of staying in. But after a brief
warmup to the Barberry building, my running motion feeling
better than expected, here I go. I venture out!
I have taken an additional kerchief which I wear across
my face. It's actually quiet outside, I pass the Raambag slum
unheeded. By the lake, I cross my old Muslim companions, as
usual happily saluting me in full form, Assalam walaikum
arahmatoullahi wabarakatu to which I respond also in
full, dropping the kerchief, and from this point on I'll wear
it around my neck. Encouraged by the sight of another runner, and
other morning walkers, reassured that all feels calm,
I settle into a nice pace, surprisingly
comfortable, and enjoy this wet but rainless morning. Everything
seems perfectly normal after all, since a few days, in spite
of the dangers, it looks like Mumbai has resume its activity.
I feel surprisingly good, easily able to control my
effort, and push all the way to the highway, expecting perhaps
to wear the kerchief again at the sight of the police. But no,
strangely, the usual check-post is deserted, and I peacefully
return up the hill, again controlling my pace to a manageable
effort, from where I return along the lake feeling quite
relaxed.
This time, having ventured out, I have felt great again,
my endless laps inside Nahar seemingly paying off, and it seems
like the gates of the outside have opened again.
-- Surah Rahman, to the first occurrence of the Leitmotiv --